mEmOiRs oF pRiNcEsS aUdReY

沉默玩具

2011-08-16T15:06:00.001+08:00

变成一个影
隐藏了自己
爱情困难呼吸
我是沉默玩具
执着对你无限期
模糊我自己
不愿升上白旗
输了你的游戏
你和他对街拥抱我看到

为什麽爱上你的人是我
为什麽一厢情愿的人会难过
为什麽对你舍不得总是我
爱上你需要那真情意
收在日记里

寂寞天天不休息
让甜蜜全也忘记
幸福不再美丽
可是我会在意
为什麽对你舍不得总是我
还是你需要那真情意

真爱你的人会难过
为什麽对你舍不得总是我
还是你需要那真情意
收在日记里

我们都傻

2011-08-12T17:09:00.002+08:00

我很傻！！！！！！！超级傻！！！！！！！对你来说我算什么？？？？？在你闷的时后能让你玩的玩具吗？？？？

Missing You

2011-08-05T17:20:00.002+08:00

我想你！！！我知道我很天真。你只是在玩玩而已，可是我却把他当真。

散场的拥抱

2011-07-26T16:35:00.002+08:00

I miss you and your 散场的拥抱....Maybe you had a little too much when we first met, maybe you dont remember, but you dedicated this to me:

从你的眼角慢慢地明了
我能做的很少
原来你藏着伤但不想和我聊

你选的电影像某种预告
不坦白的主角
最后流着眼泪坚持独自走掉

散场的拥抱我还在燃烧
但你心里的浪潮拒绝让我看到
你煎熬不肯定什么是最想要
爱才又像乐园又像监牢
散场的拥抱混乱的心跳
多宁愿只是争吵还能道歉和好
我知道你留着和他所有合照
明明面前是答案却撕掉不要

呵护地祈祷温柔地讨好
爱能让人渺小
苦笑冒充微笑浪漫得不肯逃

散场的拥抱我还在燃烧
但你心里的浪潮拒绝让我看到
你煎熬不肯定什么是最想要
爱才又像乐园又像监牢
散场的拥抱混乱的心跳
多宁愿只是争吵还能道歉和好
我知道我们和你们不能比较
但我的爱多强悍出乎你预料

散场的拥抱我还在燃烧
但你心里的浪潮拒绝让我看到
你煎熬不肯定什么是最想要
爱才又像乐园又像监牢
散场的拥抱混乱的心跳
多宁愿只是争吵还能道歉和好
我知道太美的回忆像副手拷
越是挣脱越缠绕我比你明了

Although it means nothing to us neither does it describe our r/s but..... I know i should not be doing this. But i just cant help it. I cant control my feelings. I just miss you....

Back

2011-07-05T09:44:00.004+08:00

It is damn damn damn long since i have posted something.....1 yr i guess....Do not have much work to do in office and to kill time, i blog...lol...

I HAVE GRADUATED!!!! FINALLY!!!! Now, officially, i am a degree holder. lol.... I have yet to attend any convocation. I have yet to celebrate too. Frankly speaking, i am not sure when the ceremony is neither do i know when will i celebrate. I have not yet find a new job using my degree cert....lol...But i believe it will be soon...I hope...

Life is still the same.. Up and down, good and bad.. People come and go - passerby. Ultimately, you are still yourself.

Been fickle minded lately, alittle bit of something and everything and then nothing. Here and there and everywhere and then nowhere.

Read a post in FB today. Its true. I have experienced it and is experiencing it, i guess. Some thoughts to ponder. And here it goes:

While you scream at your girl, there's a man wishing he could whisper in her ear. While you humiliate, offend and insult her, there's a man flirting with her and reminding her how beautiful she is. While you hurt her, there's a man wishing he could take her pain away. While you make her cry, there's a man stealing smiles from her.

Quite true, ain't it?

A Dream

2010-06-24T08:58:00.004+08:00

Since i woke up till now, i have been thinking about the dream i had when i was sleeping. No, its not a bad dream, not a nightmare. well, its something that will make u think "why will i have such dreams" yet make you smile at the same time.

I dreamt about Eddy, Gabriel and Glen, my secondary school 学长 plus some other sec sch mates. all the 3 of them are older than me by a yr. i gotta know Eddy 2-3 weeks after i entered sec sch. he went after me but we never did got to get together.hmmm, actually i did not know he was after me too... gotta know Gabriel after that, went out few times in a group. haha...but we never really talk. Glen was just one of their friend. well u see, i like Gabriel during sec 1 or 2. cant really recall though. but we never got together. plus he doesnt know i like him. Ok, back to the dream...in the dream, i dreamt that Gabriel and I are together...hahahaha....And the dream goes like this. we were all in Beauty World Shopping center. him, me plus a few more others which i cant recall who. and there were many other monk'shillians around (my sec sch is monk's hill sec sch). funny......cant understand why are there so many monk'shillian in beauty world. haha... somehow, Gabriel and i quarrelled. for which the reason i cant recall. i walk away and intend to leave beauty world. when i walk out of beauty world, and turn back to look at it, i saw thick black smokes surrounding it and i look up and saw top half of beauty world is on fire and it is slowly spreading downwards. (......). Gabriel and the rest plus majority of monk'shillian are in the building. i stood there and cried and cried. i want to go in and find Gabriel but cant. just then, i saw Eddy and he too couldnt find them. i was so damn sad la. after that erm....i cant recall...then after that, Eddy and i attended some memorial or event. i searched for Gabriel everywhere but couldnt find him.we were like seated for quite sometime. i am still very sad and still crying and i remembered telling dont know Eddy or another person that why i am so sad is because just before the accident i quarrelled with Gabriel. after that, erm....i cant recall...then after that...i dont why i suddenly asked Eddy to try calling Gabriel. after that, erm...i cant recall then after that, Eddy and i were outside a building and i suddenly saw Glen walking towards us plus a few of their friends whom i thought were dead as they were trapped in Beauty World. i asked one of them where is Gabriel, and they told me and pointed out that Gabriel was on top. i looked up of the building and saw.................Gabriel!!! hahaha....after that i woke up liao.....how nice if i had this dream on a sat or sun. i can dream longer and see the outcome.

Though this dream is a little unique, akward and surprised but its still good to have such dreams once in awhile. those 天真, puppy love kind of dream. those back to young days kind of dream. sec sch days was like about 10-14yrs ago..oh...im so old now....well havent seen Gabriel and Glen since they graduated. i think i did saw Gabriel 2 yrs after he graduated if i still remember. went to RV to find Edmund and saw Gabriel playing snooker with him. guess Gabriel and Glen have changed alot. well i dont know though. just guessing. saw/met up with Eddy few yrs back in dbl o. back then we still chat occasionally over the phone. now we seldom contact but once in awhile we still do chat in msn. im so gonna tell him about this dream when i see him in msn. hahahaha

Bon Voyage TKW

2010-06-04T11:08:00.004+08:00

Hey...Please Take Care and Have a Safe Trip!!! Have Fun but Be Safe!!! :) Talk to u again in 1 weeks time. Hopefully...

Inspirational Story by Catherine Pulsifer

2010-06-03T11:49:00.003+08:00

Just read an insprational story by Catherine Pulsifer. So just share with everyone...

The story below is a true story that happened in September.

During the month of september, a dear friend of mine lost her husband suddenly in an accident. The tragedy was a shock to everyone. The accident was sudden and certainly unexpected. it drove home the realization that u just don't know when a loved one is no longer going to be with u.we sometimes take our love ones for granted, and we expect they will be with us forever. however, as we all know, life does not work that way and sometimes we get a wake up call that shokes us and makes us stand back and realise how short life is.

in consoling her, i tried to imagine if i was in her shoes how would i feel. it was impossible to imagine what she was going through. what words do i say to help her?

sometimes words just can not express our feelings. sometimes our actions are much more meaningful than words. A hug can sometimes express more than our words will ever express.sometimes, just being there to listen is more meaningful and helpful to people.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
p/s: he just don't get it...

dover again

2009-07-27T16:22:00.003+08:00

Till now, i still have not wrote the story i mentioned earlier on. am lazy to tell the story. anyway, i think i have fallen. fallen for someone whom i should have not. but it's all over now. me and him is over. it lasted for 3 weeks only. Those 3 weeks was wonderful, really wonderful =) but that was 3 weeks ago. and 3 weeks down the road, i'm still missing him. chatted with him in msn on sun for abt 10min or so. but it doesn't help.the sadness is still there.

alot of my friends, some of them knew the both of us and some only know me, asked me not to be with him. he is still playful. anyway it is over...only memories are left. haiz....oh ya, he is another dover guy!!!

went clubbing/pubbing almost every sat for the past 1 month or so (some was with him though). and went chilling out cum beer session like once or twice every weekdays. it has become an addiction.

Monday Bluessss

2009-06-29T15:21:00.003+08:00

i am so boring and tired. abt 3hrs more to go b4 i finish work. zzzzz...past few weekends r club club club for me.met "A" for the past 3 weekends. haiz...duno wat to say la. he's oso 1 of those dover guys...thats all. chatting in msn nw....faster faster faster finish work can...

another sat nite

2009-06-22T12:44:00.004+08:00

last sat went df wif lifen den went to a thai disco pub beside sabai find 'a' den went nana find hk. saw k at nana. saw his frenz too. suddenly thought of all the things tat he has done. feel like slappin him. haha...

haiz..fri and yesterday quarrel wif 'a'. sianz man... fri quarrel cos he sms 7 times and call 2 times i nvr reply. i was sleepin at tat time. we were ok on sat. den sun quarrel cos i went out. 不讲了。

result coming out soon. wish me luck. but i'm prepare to fail at least 1. sobz...

Men are hard to please..

2009-06-10T12:35:00.003+08:00

Having lunch break now. saw this email my friend send me. so post it here just to share...quite true to certain extend la.

Men Are Hard To Please

The problems with GUYS:

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;

If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.

If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;

If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.

If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;

If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.

If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;

If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.

If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;

If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)

If u don't make love with him., he says u don't Love him;

If u do!! he says u are CHEAP.

If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;

If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.

If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;

If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.

If u BREAK yourPROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;

If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.

If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;

If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.

If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;

If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.

If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;

If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!

SO HARD TO PLEASE!!!!!

If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true
but if u don't they say u are selfish

2 more days to fri. haiz...still cant decide. haha..thought of the name of that person for my story. i shall call him "intruder".

p/s: why why why? is it fun?

quiet tuesday

2009-06-09T10:40:00.005+08:00

Gd morning everyone...i'm in office. ***Yawn*** i'm so tired. feeling so tired and thirsty these few days. duno y also. how i wish i can jus spend 1 whole day sleepin. just 1 whole day will do. haiz..even on weekends, i also cannot rest and nua for the whole day. sure kana disturb de.

Don't think i will write abt the story now. kinda lazy cos the story shd b quite long ba. chat in msn with ah soon last nite. wa..he like change alot. think we nvr chatted since 4yrs ago. he used to be those "diao er lang dang" kind of guy, playful guy. but now he seems like he has changed alot. keep up the gd work! haha..

hmmm..was reading my email and saw 2 of my frenz forwarded me this email with this ad:

i wonder how true it can be. thou the lappy looks cool but this ad seems fake to me lei. nevertheless i did not forward the email. juz wanna know how many ppl has already win this lappy. haha..

p/s: what r u up to?

back again

2009-06-08T09:45:00.003+08:00

The last post i blogged was Oct last yr. haha...long long time already. ok!!! since some asked me to start blogging again, i shall "chong chu jiang hu". promise to blog whenever i can or whenever i feel like speaking up.

This week should be able to blog quite frequently. hopefully la... cos MD and manager not ard ma. so got some private time. tomorrow, 9/6/09 will be my 1 yr anniversary working in this company. haha, time passes so fast. can consider "old bird" le. hmmm...thought of changing blog skin. should i? when i haf the time will change the skin.

exams finish abt 2 weeks ago.completed 1st yr. hopefully nothing happens den left 2 more yrs. haiz..think i will flung my law. kns de..so time to finish, 1 qn the passage so long already. then still muz read like few times. if u read juz 1 time, sure miss out what they gonna ask de. stoopid de... think will haf to resit la.

meet kx for steamboat at bugis last fri. ate till 9, den hang out at bugis till ard 1045. we wanted go find yw in some pub but did not. lazy to go find him. went boiler last sat wif kx, w and hb. open 2 bots of martell. spend so much in 1 nite. haiz...asked him go, wish he was there. still.... "you yuan wu fen". regret not goin JP meet him last thur...

haiz...time is running out soon...left few days to make decision. omg...wish i dun have to make decision. how? how? how? will blog abt a story, character consists of 1st: GF, 2nd: BF, 3rd: boy...

for those who failed in things that they do, can listen to the song "no boundaries". listen to adam lambert's (american idol, runner up)version. i prefer adam lambert's version to kris allen's version. lyrics as follows:

Seconds hours so many days
You know what you want but how long can you wait
Every moment last forever when you feel you've lost your way
What if my chances are already gone
Started believing that I could be wrong
But you give me one good reason
To fight and never walk away
So here I am still holding on!
Every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe is harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain
Weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing
So when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take it by the hand and show you that you can
There're no boundaries
There're no boundaries
I fought until the limit to stand on the edge
What if today is as good as it gets
I don't know where the future's heading
Nothing's gonna bring me down
I've jumped every bridge and I've run every line
I've risked being saved but I always arise
I always arise
So here I am still holding on!
Every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe is harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain
Weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing
So when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take it by thier hand and show you that you can
You can go higherYou can go deeper
There are no boundaries
Above and beneath you
B-reak every rule coz there's nothing between youand your dreams
Every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe is harder to believe
Yeah~
There're no boundaries
There're no boundaries
With very step you climb another mountain
Every breathe is harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain
Weather the hurricanes
There're no boundariesThere're no boundaries
There're no boundaries

***p/s: i miss him***

found

2008-10-20T14:15:00.000+08:00

hmmm...recently, this past 2 mths or so, got back in contact wif 2 of my exs. nick and daniel. was wif nick during end of sec 2 for a few mths den broke up. but patch back in sec 3 begining of march n together for few mths till june den broke up again. he was 18 den, diff sch. he studied in queenstown sec, failed his n lvl n went 2 the den jurong ite. and as for daniel, we are of the same age.i was wif him in end of sec 3 ard dec like tat for like few mths den we broke up. when we were together,he was suspended fr sch for duno 2 weeks or 1 mth (4get le) for duno wat reason. found them back in friendster. friendster is amazing can. haha... nick is single.dan is single for 2 yrs but nt yet divorce, gt a daughter.......i dun haf any contact wif them for a very long time le.but nw contact back le n r frenz, quite happy la.

went siloso beach resort in sentosa n stayed for 3 days 2 nites for my company trip. hotel ok la. took the couple suit, gt double story de, roof top got private jacuzzi.went wif dear.

u

2008-09-02T15:10:00.002+08:00

last nite ask him a qns. was so damn paiseh. response was not wat i wan but well at least i know from now, wat shd i do. can stop day dreaming n my "tian zhen" thinkin. who knows mayb his ans was a blessing in disguise. haahaa!!! ok, so from now on, i can safely come out from my fairy tale le.since my 1st goal/dream is out, nw i work towards my another goal, my dream - travel round the world. boy, duno hw long muz i take 2 save tat much man. but...yup... i'm 1/4 there. jia you!!! ppl may think im sad. hmmm, still ok la. nt sad but disappointed. but its ok. actually, thou i hope my fairy tale will continue, but luckily, i did nt "xian ru tai shen". i long ago start 2 slowly "kan kai" le.

sometimes i cant believe he's such a guy. all i can say is, well....his fren n even his fren family is more impt den me, den my family. i guess tis is the blessing ba. at least i gotta c his other image nw.i did 2 much 4 him this few yrs. n ya the andy lau concert...........................simply did 2 much 4 him le

200802 - 200808

2008-08-20T21:04:00.000+08:00

6 years ago, on this very day, my heart melted, my soul flown away, my body went numb and my kness went weak. It was one of the happiest and memorable day in my life - 200802.
A day, which till now, is till remember vividly.

I never realised time passes by so fast. realised it when i was writing the invoice number 200808

personality animal village

2008-07-23T12:01:00.000+08:00

audrey

30/03/1984

You are Purple Tiger, who is always cheerful and active.

You are well-liked by every one.

You give an impression of a girl with pure heart.

You are kind and generous to everyone around you.

You are rather optimistic, but may experience unsettlement by physical effect.

You are good at taking care of the others and can be friend with anybody.

Your relationship tends to be associating closely with small number of people, and that number increases eventually.

The way you express things may be too flashy and exaggerated.

You tend to have too self-conscious side.

But you are a hard working person who act and move in your own pace surely and consistently.

Your observation and ways of thinking is calm and objective.

You don't get influenced by emotions and atmosphere.

You are calculative enough to measure the distance between yourself and the other person.

You also possess your own ideal world, and trying to accomplish it too hastily may lead to misunderstandings.

Nevertheless, the way you pursue your potentiality gives a favorable impression to others.

Once married, you will show great motherly feelings.

You will create a living style that takes in account your personal interests.

My colleague gave me this webby. No harm Trying.
http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com/

new stuff

2008-06-23T16:08:00.002+08:00

haiz...juz start new job nt long, spend so much money le.sobzzzzzzzz...bought a new lappy(dearie share half), a new LCD tv (dearie share half). house under renovation. dad bought a new wardrobe for me.hee.feel like discarding my HiFi n buy a ipod nano speaker.went 2 courts to see. but, wa!!!! cost $300plus lor.no choice gotta KIV 1st.will put up the pics when everything is intact.

juz change a hp last dec,nokia n95. but....feel like changing again. cant blame me, cos the HPs i've been eyein are all so damn chiosssss can..but no money buy. erm....*hint hint* dearie.

Here are the list of HPs i've been eyeing:

Samsung Instinct

Samsung F490

Samsung F700

new job

2008-06-12T16:22:00.001+08:00

5 mths nvr blog le wor...well these 5 mths celebrated v day, my birthday, last day in ex co ~ AIA, etc. today is my 4th day in my new co, RDV. its very near my hse. so far still not bad. ppl here very friendly. quite a young working environment. job wise very diff from my previous job. nvm slowly learn la.

very tiring these few days cos renovating my hse. alot things 2 pack. haiz... bought a new LG Scarlet LCD tv 2 put in my room when the renovation is done. cost $2300.me and dearie each came out half for the new tv. bought a new wardrobe 2. think it cost abt $1100 plus. looking forward 2 having these new things in the hse.heehee

interview

2008-01-17T17:14:00.000+08:00

juz rch home after my interview wif CPG Corporation... think gone case le la... think can also forget abt it le. shd b bad news or no news le.was so scary can... 3 person interviewing me in the room lor. this company so established n well known, sure want the best employee de. was shivering n felt so stiff wen interviewing lor.haiz....

may, from the recruitment company called back 2 ask hw was the interview. very gd service fr her. mayb cos she's eddy's colleague, den i'm his fren. hee...but anyway very gd service fr her la. she will help me call back the company n inform me. b4 the interview she oso highly recommend me 2 the HR ppl. but final decision still lies with the company itself.

wanted 2 tel him de, wanted 2 share wif him de,cos i was like so scared den duno who 2 talk 2.but he wun haf time 4 me de la. he always tel me he very busy. so suan le ba....

so suay lor...2day interview den tis morning start 2 cough. i juz cured last week fr flu n cough, 2day start again. throat so itchy. scared interview tat time keep coughing. cos i was coughing the whole morning in office.when i talk my throat will become more itchy.lucky throughout the half hr or so interview, i nvr cough. hee

Fortune 2008

2007-12-21T00:56:00.000+08:00

Me and dear's fortune for 2008... Sounds like a bad yr for me...n mayb a bad yr for him 2...but hope things will turn out well for both of us.

General

Many people may have the misconception that when the year has the same animal sign as you are, most likely your luck is going to be worse than usual. This is not the case for you this year. This year is going to be filled with good news and opportunities. This is a great time for you to transform your dreams into reality - to pursue the dream job, the dream position, the dream salary, the dream business etc. Do not feel that your dreams are out of reach as you will get the support, meet the right people and find the appropriate resources that can bring you to your goal. Keep your heart and mind open. Remember that no matter how good the stars align for you, you still have to do your part in order to reap the best out of it. On the other hand, there will be more disputes, arguments, betrayals and misunderstandings than usual in this year. Try to be humble, keep yourself calm and objective at all times. Things will turn out well. Avoid being too stressed out. Watch out for being hospitalized and having surgery and being involved in accidents.

Career
Promotions, pay rises and more power is in store. If you have plans that you would like to implement, this is the time to do so. You will get the support from authority figures and relevant people. If you have been thinking of starting a business, this is also a good time to do so. On the career front, there will be more disputes and arguments and many may not be able to see eye to eye with you or may not be able to understand the way you handle situations. Remember to be more patient with others. Try to spend some more time in explaining and convincing rather then bulldozing your way through.

Wealth
It is very good for both your main sources and side sources of wealth.

Relationship
For those who are attached or married, there are more tensions in relationships this year. The frequency of disputes, cold wars or misunderstandings is higher than usual. Keep the communication channels open and be more patient with each other despite the high levels of stress that you may be going through. For those who are single, the chances of meeting the right person or falling in love in this year is rather slim. Your abrupt behavior or unpredictable temper could push away your suitors. Try to stabilize your temper and observe yourself through a third party's eyes.

Health
While you are busy reaping the best out of this year, remember to have adequate rest. There is a high tendency of having illnesses such as the flu and other illnesses that are related to anxiety such as headaches and gastric problems. There are also signs of being hospitalized and involved in accidents.

People

There are a lot of arguments, betrayals and misunderstandings this year. Avoid getting into head- on conflicts with others. If you feel that someone is testing your patience or trying to antagonize you, show the person how gracious you are by being patient and smiling it off.

Action
Place a Howlite and Smokey Quartz Cluster near you. It can be on your office table or in your bedroom.

General

There is both good and bad news for those born in the year of the Dog. The bad news is that there is much instability this year. Your plans may seem to be smooth sailing but will suddenly hit a rock. You tend to be accident-prone this year and may have cuts and bruises. There are also signs of surgery. The good news is that you are given a special waiver card this year to wave off your troubles. In another words, no matter what crisis, challenges or obstacles you face this year, it will turn out well. The only thing you must remember is to keep your cool in the face of trouble. The solution will come to you before you know it. If you have elders at home, do take note of their health and safety.

Career
This is an average year in terms of career. The only concern is that you always need to make contingency plans for whatever you are doing. The reason is that the challenges usually will strike fast and when least expected. Though the problems will resolve themselves, do keep your cool in the meantime so as not to aggravate it.

Wealth
This is an unstable year for wealth. Sometimes you may find that you are earning a lot, but you may also realize that you have spent more than you should. It is important to watch your expenses.

Relationship
If you are attached or married, your relationship is stable. If you are single, there is still a chance for you to meet someone especially in the early part of the year. If there are some suitable candidates, do consider seriously whether you will like it to develop into a relationship. Do not take too long to think because the opportunity will not wait for anyone.

Health
You are accident-prone this year. You tend to have cuts and there are signs of bleeding. There are also signs that you might go through surgery. Please be extra careful in terms of your safety, especially if you are handling sharp objects or operating heavy machinery. If you have elders at home, please take extra care of their health and safety.

People
You do not need to pay much attention to this area in this year.

Action
Put a metallic gourd in your health sector. Put a metallic Pagoda in your wealth area. Carry the jade Pixiu with you.

christmas wishlist

2007-12-16T14:29:00.000+08:00

wow...it's been 3 months since i last blog.getting lazier and lazier.well everyday, life's been the same. nth interesting. same old boring life like the past yr.so nth 2 write abt.

christmas is coming... haaa... duno where will i be? mayb hm? everyday is so unpredictable. i can only look forward to that few hrs ahead. hw pathetic...

prepared my christmas wishlist...

LV/Gucci/Burberry wallet or bag, Nintendo DS lite in pink, either a vaio laptop in pink or an Apple laptop in white. DKNY watch. Polo Ralph polo Tee (big logo de), Sony Cybershot (cant decide T200 or T20 etc cos all so nice), A new Hp ( but i getting it myself soon haa..) It's till here nw. still in process of thinking. haa...

Any rich guy or gal wana buy gif me???

my frenz

2007-09-22T19:52:00.000+08:00

was browsing thru my friendster yesterday, saw alot of ppl tat i know, tat i used 2 know, tat was once closed 2 me, either got married, or haf kidz. jack, whom was once the guy i luv, is a daddy nw. freddy, was wif him during my end of sec 4 days, got married last nov. saw his wedding photo shot, was very nice. zj, was with him for a week, my 1st bf in ite is a daddy 2 a baby boy. 1 of my yr 2 ite female classmate oso getting married. the rest, either sec or ite frenz, some haf got married too and became daddy and mummy. kidz haf grown up, some 3,4 yrs old le. haa... suddenly i feel so old. wonder when will b my turn. but i guess i think 2 much lah. who knows maybe i'm juz fated 2 b single in tis life. sometimes my mind will betray me. it will lead me into those marriage wonderland, those fantacies,and i hate having all these.juz dun understand y do i keep thinking when i jolly well know its not gonna happen.hw do i stop thinking? well maybe i wun get married this lifetime, dun understand wats it like 2 haf my own family, but i do hope tat those who once appear in my life, 4 eg my exs, frenz, classmates, schoolmates...juz wish them all the best in their future, hope everything will go smoothly in their life and everything will turn out well 2.

just 4 luff

2007-07-05T23:25:00.001+08:00

Just for laughs..

Anne Chang (Mandarin)- Dirty
Anne Chin (Mandarin) - Keep quiet
Faye Chen (Mandarin) - Dusty
Monica Cheng (Hokkien) - Touching your ocks

Lucy Leow (Hokkien) - You are dead
Jane Tan (Mandarin) - Frying eggs
Suzie Leow (Hokkien) - Lost till death
Henry Mah (Mandarin) - Hate your mum
Corrine Tai (Hokkien) - Poor fellow
Paul Chan (Mandarin) - Bankrupt

Nelson Tan (Mandarin) - Bird laying eggs
Leslie Tong (Mandarin) - Rubbish bin
Carmen Teng (Hokkien) - Leg hair long
Connie Mah (Mandarin) - Call your mother
Danny See (Hokkien) - Squeeze you to death

Rosie Teng (Hokkien) - Screws and nails
Pete Tsai (Hokkien) - Nose droppings
Macy Koh (Cantonese) - Never die before
Michael Tan (Cantonese) - sell chicken eggs

aspect of life

2007-06-26T23:34:00.000+08:00

There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second Richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity.

Here are some very Interesting aspects of his life:

1. He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late!

2. He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers.

3. He still lives in the same small 3-bedroom house in mid-town Omaha, that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence.

4. He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him.

5. He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest private jet company.

6. His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis. He has given his CEO's only two rules.
Rule number 1: do not lose any of your share holder's money.
Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1.

7. He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch Television.

8. Bill Gates, the world's richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet.

9. Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his desk.

His advice to young people:

"Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself and Remember:

A. Money doesn't create man but it is the man who created money.

B. Live your life as simple as you are.

C. Don't do what others say, just listen them, but do what you feel good.

D. Don't go on brand name; just wear those things in which u feel comfortable.

E. Don't waste your money on unnecessary things; just spend on them who really in need rather.

F. After all it's your life then why give chance to others to rule our life."

Identify if you are right or left brain person

2007-06-11T22:28:00.000+08:00

Identify if you are left or right brain person

First, identify yourself as right or left brainperson:

1. Hold your hands together, as if you were praying.Look at your hands. If you see

Left thumb is below the right thumb ---> left brain
Right thumb is below the left thumb ---> right brian

2. Fold your arms in front of you (as if you areangry)
Right arm above left arm ---> left brain

Left arm above right arm ---> right brain

Based on 1+2 (order important), below is the interpretation of your personality:

Right-Left==========Considerate, traditional, indirect typecan instinctly read other's emotion, and respondfriendly by natures. Although not very intotaking intiatives in moving forward, but this personwill always take a step back in supportingothers. Stable personality and considerate, giveothers a being protected feeling. But theweakness is they cannot say no; regardless howunwilling they are, they will take care of others.

Right-Right===========Loves challenges typeStraightfoward. Once they decided on one thing, willtake action right away. Very curious, andlove challenges. Dare to face dangers withoutthinking through (sometimes foolishly). Theirweakness is they dont listen to others, will filterin only what whey want to hear in aconversation, and very subjective. However, becauseof their straightforward attitude, they tendto be fairly popular.

Left-Left=========Dedicated, cold, perfectionistVery logical in all aspects. The only way to defeat(or win over) him/her is through reasons. Hasa lot of prides, and feeling strongly about doingthe right thing. If they are your friends, theyare very trustworthy. However, if they are youropponets, they will be very tough to deal with.Because they can be very "anal" as a perfectionist,they usually leave a bad impression of beinghard to deal with when first met.

Left-Right==========Likes to take care of others, leader typeHas a cool and keen observation ability to seethrough situations, yet still can be considerate inothers needs. Because of their cool and calm nature,and strong sense of responsibility, they tendto become head of a group. Popular among people.However, they may not be able to help themselvesin meddling because they want to take care of otherstoo much. Very concerned about how othersview them, and always on alert.

a fuck up day

2007-06-07T18:30:00.000+08:00

havin headache....i m so sick n tired!!! not even a single peaceful day. everything...yes EVERYTHING i do is wrong. FUCK!!! he happy, my joke is a joke 2 me, he not happy my joke can turn 2 sth he will shout at. but if he say the same joke 2 me, i happy or not happy, i muz oso take it as a joke. fuck...m i an animal or sth? i'm like a living dead. emotions bein control.i m soooooooooooooooooooo tired

who would be there

2007-06-07T00:15:00.000+08:00

work's getting busier and busier. ppl are starting to throw work ard.some days are gd but some days juz sux.but when i haf probs at work, who can i turn 2? like there's no 1 4 me 2 turn 2,to complain 2 nor to rely on. i may seem attached 2 my frenz, to ppl ard me. but in a lover's eye, sometimes i feel so alone. sometimes i juz feel tat he is only wif me physically. sometimes i feel like talkin 2 him, sharing wif him my probs but... its still within me.haa....i cant rem the last time we held, hug and haf a long luvin talk/chat.i juz wana feel loved,feel wanted...

this song is nice:

if i were blue,
would you be there for me
and whisper in my ear that's pkay
would you stand by me
let me hold you tight
and say you love me one more time.

if i feel good,
would you slow dance with me
and touch my lips with tender love and care
would you die for me,
would you run with me
and never look back

would you be there to love,
to be with me
would you swear that your love is always true
would you say that you would always be the one
to take my breath away
would you be there to love,
to be with me.

would you swear that your love is always true
would you say that you'll always be the one
to take my breath away
would you be there

if i were away,
would you still think of me
and wish that you could hold me now
would you die for me
would you run with me
all the way

would you be there to love,
to be with me
would you swear that your love is always true
would you say that you'll always be the one
to take my breath away

would you be there to save my soul tonight
would you swear that your love is always true
would you say that you'll always be there to kiss my pain away

would you be there for me?

yeah....who wld be there for me???

juz another week

2007-05-26T15:06:00.000+08:00

finish another week of work. finally its weekend again. back then i use 2 like weekdays more den weekends ever since i started working, i like weekends more den weekdays. well, did nth much during this whole week. mon-fri work, mon we went bought some food 2 stack up at hm,return n rent new disc den went hm watch vcd.tues he came fetch me after work, we went return the vcd den went for dinner den back 2 his hm.wed nite acc dearie watch his soccer match liverpool vs ac milan. thurs we both shack out cos nite b4 nvr slp. therefore we both stayed hm after work on thurs.and the lazy him fell slp b4 me.yesterday which is fri,we went ktv till 1am, and again he slept b4 me at 2plus am. he's at work now, ending ard 7.duno where and wat we'll do later.and tmr he got standby at changi naval base for the open hse. shd i go or not? after his standby most prob meetin him go his hm koonz. next fri holi....woooo...lookin 4ward 2 it. feel like goin JB.but lets c again ba

Genting trip 130507-150507

2007-05-19T11:31:00.000+08:00

just came back fr genting. my 3 days holiday has ended in a blink of an eye. haiz.....so sadz!!! now i'm kind of missing there.maybe not really miss there but miss having holidays.while i'm at genting,everything is so relax and carefree.i can wake n slp anytime i like.dun need 2 be afraid of being late or having not enuf slp.no need 2 b stressed over work or study. haiz...y are happy times over so fast??? when will be my next holiday???

On bus to Genting

Me and the bed

In the room

Kenny Rogers

First World Hotel

Buskin Robin Ice Cream

While waiting for ice cream

Dearie enjoying the ice cream

Indoor Ferris Wheel

Us in the Hotel Room

On the way to Casino

Our free Breakfast Buffet

Slacking in Starbucks

Us in Starbucks

Our messy Hotel room table

Wakie Wakie

Dearie wif my PSP

My headless new bf

Dearie's gay partner

Dinosaurs

Dearie on the boat ride

Me on the boat ride

Dearie on the bridge

By the stairs

In the outdoor Ferris Wheel

Our Hotel

Down the escalator

Going into the Haunted house

Our Lunch at "Hou Mei" restaurant

Genting's K Box

Outdoor Tix

My new Blinking Heart T-Shirt from Genting

In the Lift, on the way to the movies

Dearie enjoying his buffet lunch

Me enjoying the buffet lunch

Dearie on the top

Me on the top

Genting walkway

new job

2007-05-11T21:14:00.000+08:00

started work for a week le. AIA alexandra called me back for the part time admin.but they decrease the pay to 7/hr.was quite pissed off la.cos fr 10 drop to 8 now to 7.but no choice la.haf 2 work 2 support myself.if not who else so gd wanna support me.plus tis partime job really suit my nite class schedule.still tryin 2 get use 2 workin life.tryin 2 get familiar wif office 2.well so far colleagues still quite ok quite friendly.

goin genting on sun,13 may.hope tat i can enjoy myself.wish me happiness.

money is not everything

2007-05-04T00:06:00.000+08:00

What do we Work For?

Son: "Daddy, may I ask you a question"
Daddy: "Yeah sure, what it is?"
Son: "Dad, how much do you make an hour"
Daddy: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
Son: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
Daddy: "I make Rs. 500 an hour""
Oh", the little boy replied, with his head down.
Looking up, he said, "Dad, may I please borrow Rs. 300?"

The father was furious, "if the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or other nonsense, then march yourself to your room and go to bed. Think why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior"

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions.How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:"May be there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs. 300 and he really didn't ask for money very often!"

The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you asleep, son?" He asked."No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy."

I've been thinking, may be I was too hard on you earlier", said the man, "It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the Rs.300 you asked for" The little boy sat straight up, smiling "oh thank you dad!" He yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up notes.The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father."

Why do you want money if you already had some?" the father grumbled."

Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied."

Daddy I have Rs. 500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you"

MORAL OF THE STORY
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. ! We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family....

job hunt

2007-04-30T15:39:00.000+08:00

went interview for a part time admin job last tues. it was at AIA alexandra.haiz...quite like tat job. cos really suit my timing. it is a 5 day work, from 1pm to 5pm. even sch starts, i m also able 2 work cos lessons will b from 7pm onwards i guess. i wont be so stress and tired as compared to workin a fulltime 8-5 job.transport very convenient, got a direct bus from my home to work,from work 2 sch.plus the pay quite gd too, $8/hr. but........ dun think i'll get it le.cos they say they'll call me back.mayb on fri or wat and who knows mon i'll start work. haiz...2day mon le still nvr call me.so sad and disappointed.me no money le,老天爷 still dun wan let me get tis job, still dun let me find a job.juz bought a PSP 2 weeks ago.cost me 400bucks. and on the 13th of may goin genting wif dear.juz the both of us.room for 2 nites and 2 way bus fare is 100bucks le.still need money 2 go there spend. my pocket got big big hole le la. argh.... hope i can 快点快点 find a job.

oh btw...juz finish watching 花样少年少女 (Hanazakarino Kimitachihe)。took quite long cos of dear la.everytime wait for him. show quite nice. very funny n "stupid". wu zun very handsome wor. now on my drama list is 转角遇到爱 (Corner, with love)。by 小猪 and 大S. haf already completed the 5th disc.so far 还好啦。their theme song 爱转角 very nice.

tmr holi duno wat 2 do...still planning. he will b playing soccer wif his duno wat frenz in the morning.haiz...at nite watching liverpool and chelsea return league match at dear's hse. hope liverpool will win ba.if not they out le. and ya...frenz told me 2 ignore tat fucker.mayb she is juz jealous. but strange...an air stewardess jealous of a norm gal like me? watever it is, if theres a nxt time,i wun let matter rest le lor.so fucker,u better stop!

ass in the brain

2007-04-26T16:45:00.000+08:00

i thought things finally haf stop and i can haf peace from now on. but i was wrong, things hadn't got any better. sometimes i juz dun understand y are there so many senseless and childish person on earth. dun they haf better things 2 do in their life?y muz they keep bothering, keep meddling wif other peoples affair.y muz they keep backstabbing others?

1st, there is tis slut by the name of cyndi. she bad mouthed and back stab me in her blog, in front of her frenz n my bf. calling me names, saying untrue things abt me. funny part is i dun even know her and she dun even know me. for watever fuck reason she did this,its totally brainless of her. i dun even interfere wif her life n yet she cared so much abt my life.i gif my frenz c wat she wrote in her blog and every1 critisied her. if wat she wrote is true, i m lost for words, but its totally rubbish. i didn't know at 1st, and yet i can b nice 2 her n her bf, offering them drinks during clubbing and inviting them 2 my chalet. but luckily i found out tat she has an ass stuck 2 her brain else i'll b the fool.treating her as an normal person when she behind stabbing me.

2nd, its his ex by the name of jasmine. at first she came back looking for him, wanting him back and sending him all those smses.i am a perfectly normal person, if such things happen, some hw rather i will b affected.either i'll feel hurt or angry.i asked him 2 settle it wif her once and for all if he choose 2 b wif me. he told me he choose me and settled it wif her already.thou i duno wat he told her but he claim tat he told her off. and i thought finally i can haf peace. but den juz yesterday, he told me his fren by the name of sean, told him tat his ex say tat i msg her. wow... how ironic. i didn't know such thing exist.in the 1st pl i dun even know her fuckin nos. things i haf nt done, some hypocrite can find ways 2 say tat i haf done it. y shd i still ask my bf 2 settle things wif her if i were 2 msg her myself. i could haf msg her myself,told her off and settle it myself. y shd i still ask my bf 2 settle it and we quarrelled over this matter. she say tat i msg her n told her abt me n my bf. for watever fuck reason shd i do tis? i m thankful if those fuckers cld leave me alone n stop bothering abt my life, y shd i still go bother abt their life.i dun understand y the fuck did she do tis. out of jealousy? for revenge?if this is so, tell me face 2 face. stop bein a coward n back stab me.and by the way, if u say i msg u, can u tell me wat did i msg u,when was tat and most importantly wat nos was that.

i m some1 who wun go bother abt ur life nor meddle wif ur affairs.if u dun come provoke me, i wun go touch u de.i m some1 who mind my own business.and my frenz all know this.they can judge for me.

ESP TO THOSE FUCKERS: STOP INTERFERING WIF MY LIFE, STOP MEDDLING WIF MY AFFAIRS, STOP ALL YOUR FUCKING CHILDISH SHIT ASS THING AND STOP PISSING ME OFF. I'LL BITE!!! AN ADVICE: WHEN THE LION IS SLEEPING, DUN DISTURB IT UP FROM ITS SLEEP. IF U R NOT HAPPY IN ANY WAY,PLS COME FIND ME STRAIGHT AND WE'LL SETTLE IT FACE TO FACE,COWARDS...

thinking back

2007-03-25T02:55:00.000+08:00

in the past i used 2 look forward 2 my birthday. cos there'll be alot of ppl celebrating it 4 me and i'll receive alot of gifts 2.haha.. even if there's no 1 celebrating it 4 me, i know my bf would.but now...i dun look forward 2 it anymore.cos i'll b spending it alone.i juz dread the thought of my bd comin in 5 days time. last yr there's still some of my frenz n zh celebratin it 4 me.but tis yr, its me,myself and i.

how i wish time nvr did move.those 3 yrs r the most happiest moment in my life.its when i really smiled.its when i felt tat i had everything perfect.its when i felt that i am myself. i regret nt studyin well in sec sch.but if i cld choose again,i'll choose 2 go ite dover once again.even till now, when i think of all those memories,it made me smile 2 myself.

dilemma

2007-03-15T05:19:00.000+08:00

got my final yr result 2day. it sux...the worst i haf ever got in my 3 yrs in poly.well....super low morale after seein my result.expected 2 get better de.haiz....but think i deserve it la.i put in 2 much in our r/s le.thou i m in such bad mood,feel so lousy le but as usual he is nt there for me.

i really put in 2 much in us le.2 much till i m so tired le.so stress le.watever things i do its all abt him 1st.even in my studies.imagine i can even gif up goin uni 4 him.yeah i know i m stupid.cos i know he dun even gif a damn.frenz told me i did the wrong thing.i know tat.i'm in a dilemma nw.i gaf up goin ntu cos i wan acc him study deg.if i go ntu means i haf 2 study fulltime cos partime take min 5yr.if fulltime i cant acc him study cos he can only study SIM and oso i cant work and earn money 2 help him out.so i gaf up goin ntu.and nw for SIM frenz told me its tough 2 work n study at same time.but i still choose it.i wan study the same course as him cos i know he'll miss alot of lesson,so i haf 2 go 4 lessons n help him take note.cos i wan him pass.and me thinkin of workin and studyin at the same time is cos i wan earn money so tat he wun b so "xin ku".thou i know he wun marry me nxt time but at least mean time i can work 2 "jian di" his burden.yeah sometimes i feel so like a fool.dream of marryin him when i know he wun cos he every now n den will tell me tat his luv for me everyday decrease.i did so much 4 him but i got hell fr him in return

2 weeks ago an incident happen.after tat incident,i duno hw 2 describe...but i changed,changed 2 some1 so lifeless and hopeless.some1 who wans gif up in everything.mayb by not knowin,not seein,not hearin,i'll b much happier.but hw 2????when u know tat sth is wrong.i dun wan b a fool 2 let the wrong fool me.but if i dun let the wrong fool me,i'll get the worst.it simply sux.when will tis stop???he told me he has stop it but its still goin on .even till 2day.ARGH!!! wat haf i done 2 deserve all these???i'm tryin my best nt 2 know,nt 2 hear,nt 2 c and let him continue but i'm goin mad soon.

our 1st valentine day

2007-02-27T22:48:00.000+08:00

2 weeks ago on the 14th of feb 2007,me and dearie celebrated our 1st valentine's day together.it was on a wednesday.tat day was also one day after i finish my paper.the nite b4, dearie had overnite sailing.i sms him 2 tell him 2 fetch me after work b4 goin back his hse.since 7am,i waited for his call.as time pass,i got more worried and disappointed.finally ard 12plus in the noon he called me.he lied 2 me tat he still not yet finish work. and will only finish ard 5.so i told him 2 cum pick me up straight after work b4 goin hm 2 change. but he kept rejecting. he kept sayin he go hm 1st then come which he normally wun do.cos on the way hm he will pass by my hm so normally he will come pick me up in order to save petrol.frankly speakin i was quite piss off.

ard 4 he called 2 say he is comin over.i ask him wat he wearin.surprisinly he told me shirt,which i got suspicious cos he seems all well dressed but how cld wen he told me he was in camp.after abt half hr later i call him again 2 ask him where he was already.he told me eng neo.i ask him y eng neo wen he is comin st fr tuas.he told me he send his fren 2 orchard.hmmmm....now the qns mark....fr orchard 2 my hse by eng neo way?not once did we ever use tat road back hm fr orchard.normally its dunearn rd instead.and ok my dearie wun do such thing as 2 send his fren go orchard b4 comin 2 pick me and go town again wen he haf 2 pass by my hse to go orchard.well wen he reached he was all well dressed.i demanded him 2 tell me the truth.he confess.he say tat wen he call me ard 12plus he was already at hm.tats y he say he dun wan fetch me after work.he only told me part of the reason.but i nvr pursue it anymore.while drivin he suddenly told me he did not get me any gift.went suntac 2 catch a movie.booked the 7plus pm show.had dinner at swenson.dearie wanted 2 buy a cake.he wanted 2 go east coast after the show 2 cut the cake.so we ordered and reserved the cake at swenson.went for a walk den wtach our show.the show ended at 9.after tat we went took those photo sticker den went collect our cake fr swenson.

we headed 2 east coast.found a quiet spot.b4 alighting fr the car,dearie ask me go help him take sth fr his car boot.i told him 2 get himself but he insisted tat i get it fr him.hmmm...sth fishy here.but i did wat he ask me 2 anyway.wen i lifted the boot,i was stunned for words.he decorated his whole car boots.he lay a cloth,hang the words "i love you" and "happy valentine",brought wine along,buy my fav pooh bear,roses and did a so call wind chime box which he decorated himself.we found a table,cut our cake n sip our wine.spend ard 30-40min there b4 heading home.as usual dearie slept over.tats the real reason y he went st hm after work instead of fetchin me n rush 2 design n do all these things.i was really surprise cos i did not expect he wld gif me anything not to say do all these.he was busy wif work the past few days.dearie is not a romantic guy but he still did all these for me.thou it may seem simple and easy 2 most ppl but it meant alot 2 me.i appreciate and like it very much.thanx dearie...i luv u..waiting for more v days wif u 2 come.

vday

2007-02-11T15:15:00.000+08:00

in a low mood right now. supposed 2 b studyin but i juz cant concentrate. found out tat he lied abt the call between him n his ex. duno shd i confront him or not.if i confront, a quarrel will start. if i dun, he think he got away wif it n will continue doin it.i'm so tired....wat actually do the both of them want?y muz they do it behind my back? aren't they tired. they cld juz tell me and i will leave. i dun wana b the fool nor the third party.its affecting my concentration in studying for the exam.

v.day is comin 2. guess i'll b spending it alone.any1 wana date me out?haha...but i charge.past few v day,i'm all out on a date.last yr was wif zh.he went town 2 queue 4 the choco.den came fetch me.wanted 2 bring me 2 safari but i turn him down.yeah...cos i told myself,i'll only go wif some1 i luv.we den went 2 town hang ard den went east coast till 1am.nth special thou.he tried his best,he did touched me during those times,but i hurt him very deep.i'm sorry.i guess i m havin my retribution now.

its been long since i last received flowers. thou its expensive n waste of money, but i guess i'll smile upon receiving it.i know i wun receive it for the time bein.mayb it will happen in the future ba.

exam

2007-02-10T03:35:00.000+08:00

exam comin in few days. 1 paper 2 sit for. completed FIT(but not sure of result.haf a feeling tat i could not make it) so now left DCST.hopefully everything goes smoothly den i can consider grad fr NP with a dip. not sure abt my future. whether 2 start work, continue gettin a deg in either local uni or foreign uni or work full time study part time. in a dilema....

bd comin in a mth plus time. dun wish for any present. juz hope tat i cld b happy, find back my happiness.i juz hope tat everything cld stop. every nonsence fr whoever will stop.

endure

2007-01-29T04:44:00.000+08:00

the time now is 4.43am. havin a lab test tmr but i'm still awake blogging.actually i was asleep already.but woke up due 2 a pain in my stomach. had a weird and funny dream juz now. dreamt that me and him got married.it was on the spot de.out of nowhere we decided 2 get rom and got rom-ed.i still can rememer in my dreams i called 1 of my friend 2 ask her where can i get my hair done and she was wif 1 of her fren whom i know 2.when i ask her,she straight away ask me gettin married le ah. haha dun understand why i had such dreams.come to think of it,i really wana laugh.dreams are normally the opposite of reality.me and him bu ke neng married de.he used 2 tell me abt marriage,abt buyin hse etc.use 2 tell me he wan marry nw.use 2 tell me "the plan", use 2 propose.he maked me believe and hope. but i realised these are all his honey words.slowly i gave up believing and hoping cos i know these wouldn't happen.i duno y but i juz cant c a future ahead of us.

i duno wat has happen 2 us.we got bad then improve and got better a lil but it got worst nw.as usual he blames everythin on me.mayb i've my fault but i'm not totally and always at fault and i'm not bad,but he blames it on me each time till i juz take it tat i'm bad. sometimes i feel so tired. i dun wanna always b the "bad 1". i dun wanna always take the blame.my health is detoirating nowadays 2. as usual,it has sth gotta do wif my stomach.it is gettin bad each day.i'm afraid it will happen again.i dare not c a doc.i dun wana hear any bad news.each day,no matter wat time of the day,my stomach will start 2 pain.sometimes early in the mornin,sometimes when i'm in sch or even middle of the night when i'm sleepin like juz now, the pain comes.tis king of feelin sux.when the pain comes,sit or stand i'll feel the pain.even lying down wun helps cos i still feel the pain.each time i haf 2 take pain keillers.but i dun wana rely on med.haaa pain killers has become part of my food supply le.few yr ago,i think i was still wif k,i was admitted 2 hospital cos i had stomach ulcers and needed 2 wash my stomach.else the thing will get bigeer or might spread. and if these happen, it will b cancerous.after washin,my stomach cleared but it is nt totally cured.and now i feel the pain again.at tat time only few of my frenz know. and i had k and my those frenz standin by me.but nw....i once told him abt my stomach.told him i cant afford 2 haf gastric.but he juz brushed it aside.mayb he thinks tat i'm juz jokin wif him ba.haha...tis mornin he told me tat his ex has duno terminal illness or wat.so he has 2 show concern 2 her.n said tat he does tat 2 every1.but sometimes i juz feel so lame abt it.yeah u got terminal illness but yet can go club often,yet can b some air stewardess.is she acting or is he acting.she keeps comin back for him.he say tat 2.well the care and concern for me n her r totally different.she is his ex, tat fucker(his fren gf) came tell him abt his ex sickness, he got so worried. even ask tat fucker 2 update him on her. but when i told him abt my stomach thing few mths back, he juz brushed it aside.bet he dun even remember. they say 同人不同命. yeah i agree on tat.so each time whenever i'm sick or feel pain in amyway or whatever form,i try 2 keep it 2 myself.enduring feels much better then knowin he wun care.by enduring,only my stomach hurts but by knowing, my heart hurts.

yeah!!! no matter wat i'll endure 2 the very last moment.be it my heart hurts or my stomach hurts. even if he make me sad or hurt me, i'll still endure.i told myself i wana b 开朗。wana b happy.cos tis is my new yr resolution and bd wish.i'm still tryin and i'm workin on it.i believe 1 day i can de.jiayou...audrey jiayou...i believe 1 day i'll haf 服报 de. ***smilez***

your value nvr changes

2007-01-21T22:51:00.000+08:00

A popular speaker started off his lecture by holding up a $20 bill. In the room teeming with people, he asked. "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you - but first, let me do this."

He proceeded to crumple the 20 dollar note up. He then asked. "Now who wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well," he continued, "what if I do this?" He dropped it on the floor and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless; but no matter what happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives comes, not in what we do or who we know, but by...Who We Are.

new com

2007-01-15T15:54:00.000+08:00

yippy!!! i got my computer last week. finally i haf my own personal com in my room. a new 17inch lcd...hahaha!!! dearie gave me the cpu while i bought the monitor. still not really used 2 it yet...but i'll get used 2 it one day. bought a new keyboard 2. kinda nice and i like it. but the new mouse cant make it la...gonna change it. bought new speakers 2.haha....

my new lcd:

my new speakers:

my new keyboard:

haiz

2007-01-10T22:38:00.000+08:00

he is sittin juz a few step infront of me doin the com but i can already feel the distant between us. he is so near yet so far.can feel the luv forf me is gone. or it has nvr exist b4? he is nt happy bein wif me le or he has nvr been happy all along.he hurt me again 2 day,told me those hurtful things.he once told me if i leave him, he will b sad n cry.but i guess he is happy instead.will he really b happier if i let go of him?i juz wanna c him b happy.if leetin go will make him happier den can any1 tell me how shd i do tat?y do i still cling on.i really duno wat i shd do.i juz need the strength and courage

dream or reality?

2007-01-09T00:44:00.000+08:00

i feel so distant....i feel the distant between us....sometimes it feels like he's gettin further n further away....i dun wana think abt it....but it seems so real....is tis a dream or is tis reality???

sch reopen

2007-01-07T00:38:00.000+08:00

sch reopened on the 3rd. on wed itself, i got back my dcst common test paper. i passed but nt wif flying colours. its juz 63 marks.well i'm lucky tat i cld pass. cos nowadays, i only aim for pass.dare nt put in much hope.not like during 1st yr, i aim for 80 or 90 plus.hope i cld do well for my dcst exam 2. as for FIT,i'm so afraid. cos FIT dun haf exam de. only lab test,tutorial,online exercises/test,lab,attendance.i failed one of the lab test le which takes up alot of the marks weightage.haiz...hopefully i can pass FIT.

if everthing goes smoothly, me will finish poly in less then 2 mths time. think i'm gonna miss those gals.the chats,jokes,gossip,craps,rubbish,nonsence,outings etc tat we had in sch....it really brighten up my day.gals...jiayou for exam

in low mood these few days.sometimes i juz feel so tired of everythin.did nt haf a gd 2007 start.nw i'm broke too man...juz 5 days pass,i spend 500 bucks.argh!!! when will i haf a change of luck???when will my days b better???really really really wish i cld haf a peaceful and happy life

new yr eve

2007-01-02T00:29:00.000+08:00

as mention, we went tw hse for countdown. reach there abt 10.the guys were already there.not much food left.luckily me ate some of the baked rice dearie cook earlier on. abt half hr later, me acc him down 2 eat cos at hm he did nt eat the baked rice. after tat we went up.the guys played winning eleven and mahjong..was quite borin 4 me cos i juz sat beside him n watch them play.tw n jx went buy beer/liquor. after they came hm we sat down drinkin n chattin.after tat dearie continued wif his winning eleven,me sat beside him watch him play till fall asleep. by then it was abt 3 le. dearie decide 2 go hm cos i was tired n he was 2. on the way backhis hm, me fell asleep inside the car. rch his hm ard 320.tot can st go bathe den slp le but his uncle n family came his hse n both his uncle family n his family was in his room celebratin.no choice haf 2 endure awhile.abt 15 min later i went bathe.after bathin abt 10min later den his uncle went hm.finally we can settle for bed.both of us turn in at 4.woke up at 6 cos dearie had duty.poor him havin duty on a public holi. on the way 2 work,he send me hm.rch hm abt 645.went bathe and do my things.went slp at abt 9 but woke up ard 11plus 2 go aunt hse.argh so tired.... in the evenin went jurong pt and me did manicure...

it doesn't pays 2 b gd

2006-12-31T18:37:00.000+08:00

tis is duno the how many times i'm bein criticised, being said by him le. out of gd will, i help him cut the ham, so tat he has lesser things 2 do. and i cut like the previous ones. instead of a thank you or mayb an ok, he say "seems like u duno how 2 do hse work." wtf... somemore infront of his sis. kaoz... few days ago, i helped him wash his clothes, socks etc...damn dirty and smelly. after tat dry it 4 him. instead of a thank you again, he shouted "didn't i say put ur hse, y bring here and there" kaoz...its his workin clothes lor. he tot its his hm clothes which he put at my hse. without findin out, he shouted at me.i dun expect a thank you or sth in return but i dun need criticism and shoutings 2. its nt i want 2 b xiaoqi or wat but it really doesn't pays 2 b gd.each time i do sth for him, i get these in return. sometimes i feel so stupid...y do all these for him.i gotta learn 2 b clever.mind my own business,stop doin things 4 him,stop helpin him,stop offereing my help.watever...at least i wun get all these in return. ARGH!!!! i'm sooooooo angry rite nw...............my stupid dearie piss me offfffffffffffffffffffff.juz feel like biting him nw

2day is new yrs eve....in few hrs time will b a brand new yr.nowhere 2 go 4 countdown.mayb juz go tw hse wif him 4 the bbq den back 2 his hm 2 slp.juz hope tat my life will get better for me in 2007 and everything will turn out fine.juz hope tat i'll b happier in 2007 too cos 2006 is a lousy yr for me

2007 new yr resolution

2006-12-29T01:10:00.000+08:00

My New Year Resolution for 2007

To graduate from Poly, enter a Uni and get a Degree
Learn driving and obtain a driving license
Earn and Save as much money as i can
To lose weight. approx 5kg
My parents, relatives, love ones and friends have good health, happiness and lots of money
To find or have a real, trueful, happy and everlasting love/relationship
To find back my long lost smile
To be happy once again

2006 christmas

2006-12-26T00:50:00.000+08:00

well...here is an update of wat i did during the weekends/holiday:

friday (22-12-06)

me and dearie woke up at 8plus. slack awhile then went hougang market 2 haf our breakfast cum lunch at 11. after breakfast went back dearie home. not long we are out again. drove his mum 2 his youngest sis sec sch. they were there 2 buy her books and uniform as she will b entering sec 1 next yr.waited there with them till about 2plus we went back home. took a nap not long after i reach hm. dearie went played his com game.dearie woke me up around 6.no 1 was home except his dad.but he went out soon.we decided 2 catch a show.went bishan 2 haf our dinner and watch "curse of the golden flowe" there.not a very gd plot.but its eye openin.after the show, i did nt wan go hm straight so dearie n i went for a drink outside my hse the coffeeshop.after drinkin, he sent me hm.

saturday (23-12-06)

dearie came pick me up after his soccer match at 11plus.went haf lunch wif his bro n him.after lunch went home. took a nap.again he woke me up around 7plus. we had a tiff n it lasted quite awhile. only had a few spoonful of rice for dinner. eventually ard 12, we went fisherman village cos i wanted 2 drink. ordered a bucket. wow...its so damn cold there. its rainin n its very windy. was quite high tat nite, mayb cos i'm nt in a gd mood so the drinks some how affected me. we went back his home ard 1plus.went bathe 1st after tat his turn.we immediately slept after he came out fr bath.

sunday (24-12-06)

we woke up ard 8. couldn't slp back cos i was feelin a lil hungry and my head hurts. he brought me out 2 haf breakfast.yeah!!! we went eat mac big breakfast. after tat we went back hm.he slept abt 1 hr later.me played com,but soon after, me felt tired 2 so went slp. he woke up play his game. me slpet till 5plus.by then all his family members haf went over his aunt hse.we planned 2 haf a nice n exp dinner. but decided 2 put away wif it cos his fren say go clubbin later on. instead i treat him 2 "zhu chao" at ponggol plaza kopitiam ard 7plus. cost $30.after tat abt 8plus,went hm slack.fell asleep.he fren called at 10 2 say they are goin down momo le. went went prepare then head down momo 2. its packed inside but not very crowded. there were 6 or us. tw and gf, jx, 1 of their fren, and the both of us.they ordered a barrier of tiger.only dearie, me, tw and jx drank. we drank quite fast. after finish the barrier, we went dancin. in the later part, dearie saw his old frenz.they treated us martell.left at 2plus.but dearie was drunk.tw they all left earlier but i called them back cos dearie couldn't even make it le.luckily they are still nearby. they came back and tw drove dearie car.jx drove tw car. we fetch tw's gf hm 1st b4 fetchin us hm. dearie vomited throughout the whole journey.tis is the 2nd time i saw him vomitted when we go club.the 1st time was b4 we were together and its at dbl o. the 2nd was this.well...the kelian me took care of him the whole nite.after reachin hm, he went bathe den he went slp,me went bathe after him den went online awhile b4 goin slp.

monday (25-12-06)

we woke up ard 9plus. wanted 2 go out eat breakfast de. but dearie kept slackin. eventually did nt went out eat cos his dad bought breakfast back. his family went over his uncle hse around 1. we went ponggol plaza cos i haf the cravin for soft drinks. went ntuc buy my soft drink at same time we bought some ingrediants cos dearie wanted 2 cook. bought cheese and mushrooms. went hm after tat. slack and i fell asleep ard 3plus.dearie woke me up ard 5plus for dinner. he cook the whole bake rice himself. he spend 1 hr plus doin tat.haha...but yummy...my fav baked rice and its his 1st time cookin tat. taste not bad, except a lil salty. he played com game n i fell slp again.haha....i'm juz like a pig. woke up at 8, a lil argument followed. but a short while later we ok le. he decided 2 go watch movie. he booked 2 tix at GV grand for the show "a nite at the museum" at 9.40pm...we went get ready and reach there juz in time for the show. after the show, he send me hm.

one mornin

2006-12-24T09:15:00.000+08:00

the time now is 9plus...and i'm awake le...wow slept at 3plus yesterday.dearie went back slp after our breakfast.

2day is christmas eve. wonder how will i spend it...

hungry

2006-12-19T02:21:00.000+08:00

i'm HUNGRY!!! but dearie is sleepin "SOUNDLY" beside me...hahaha!!! feel like wakin him up and ask him bring me out 2 eat. but he sure dun wan de. plus somemore nw rainin. he sure lazy de. tis few days keep raining. so cold... he is on 1 week leave. and i'm on sch holi. so hopefully we'll make full use of it.. hmmm...wonder how wld i spend my christmas???where will i spend it???who will i spend wif??? 5 more days 2 go

delirium

2006-12-17T03:34:00.000+08:00

haf i done the rite thing? will this make us better or worst? when will we quarrel again? when will it happen again? i'm afraid...really afraid...afraid tat after i've done so much, bad things will happen again...i'm in a delirium

love can hurt

2006-12-15T04:53:00.000+08:00

Love Can Hurt
When you love someone so much
it can hurt you.
When you care for someone so much,
who knew?
When you give up everything for that one person
and they take advantage of you
It hurts you so bad that you know for the rest of your life you'll be sad.
Love can Hurt To no end
Someday you won't have that "forever" friend.
Love can Hurt
Your tears they fall like the rain in the skies above,
And you end up losin that one and only true love.
Love Can hurt
more than you know,
Your loved one you just had to let go.
Love Can Hurt More and more
When you feel like there's nothing left to give,
And there's no reason left for you to live,
And your filled with nothin but pain and sorrow,
And you know you can't take this pain for another second, minute, hour,
not even for tomorrow.
Love Can Hurt
It can cause people to take their own lives by a pill
rope
or a knife.
Love can hurt so much it kills the faith and hope inside.
Love can hurt
sometimes you just feel like your ready to give up ready to just die.
Thats how much love can hurt .

strength vs courage

2006-12-11T23:28:00.000+08:00

It takes strength to be firm.
It takes courage to be gentle.

It takes strength to stand guard.
It takes courage to let down your guard.

It takes strength to conquer
It takes courage to surrender.

It takes strength to be certain.
It takes courage to have doubt.

It takes strength to fit in.
It takes courage to stand out.

It takes strength to feel a friend's pain.
It takes courage to feel your own pain.

It takes strength to hide feelings.
It takes courage to show them.

It takes strength to endure abuse.
It takes courage to stop it.

It takes strength to stand alone.
It takes courage to lean on another.

It takes strength to love.
It takes courage to be loved.

It takes strength to survive.
It takes courage to live.

CT

2006-12-11T23:24:00.000+08:00

dear came fetch me after his game yesterday mornin. went hm eat den acc him wash car. after tat went back slack. at nite met up wif tw n jx. 4 of us went ktv till 12am den went back hm.

gosh.....havin common test(CT) n yet i still ktvthe nite b4. hmmmm CT ended 2day. only haf 2 sit 4 1 paper tis sem. so nw havin sch break till 3rd of jan.

fish and co

2006-12-08T16:52:00.000+08:00

went ate Fish and Co last nite. dearie came fetch me after work. b4 fetchin me, he and tw went autobacs 2 look at the duno wat headlight thing. both of them want 2 install. it cost 370 bucks. and only 1 stock left plus they haf 2 wait for 2 hrs. so they decided nt 2 install 1st. after tat he came fetch me and tw went hm fetch his wife. me n dearie were supposed 2 go ktv de but dearie told me tw ask whether wana eat fish and co not. we reach orchard (glass house) early, ard 7. reserve the pl and waited for tw 2 come. they came at 8. i ordered a fish n chip, dearie ordered a seafood platter for 1 and tw n his wife ordered a seafood platter for 2. the mushroom soup is nice. after tat tw n his wife went 2 book tix for their genting trip and told us 2 meet at a pub in selegie cos there got singing competition. we reach there early, went searchin 4 the pub but couldn't find. therefore dearie suggested eating rochor beancurd. omg eat again.... tw called but we told him could nt find the pl so after eating the beancurd, we went back hm.

dearie is havin duty 2day.so i'm spendin my time at hm studyin for my common test which is on mon. so tat tmr n sun i no need so stress.can relac abit n enjoy wif dearie. feel like goin shoppin tmr. need 2 buy a dress for my cousin rom on the 16th. dearie bought a shirt le so guess on tat day, mayb he will wear tat shirt. think he has caught a flu....hehe..c i 2nite if nt lazy, boil some herbal tea 4 him.

new hp

2006-12-04T11:37:00.000+08:00

these few days was wif dearie. cos he was a 1 week leave. thurs we went bugis 2 haf a walk. saw the sony ericsson roadshow. dearie wanted 2 buy the sony ericsson m600i hp. he was eyein 4 quite some time le.saw it at the roadshow. dearie ask if i wanted cos my hp is spoilt.he told me 2 think carefully whether i want the k800 or tis.well i was quite attracted 2 tis m600i cos of the colour of the phone(pure white), the touch screen and the functions. but 1 thing bad is it dun haf a camera.after a lil consideration, me decided 2 buy e m600i. dearie bought 2 sets of m600i. 1 for himself n 1 for me as a christmas present. he paid 1000plus altogether cos each set cost 600.we both bought the white colour de as we prefer tat 2 the black 1. after tat we went wanton mee at duno where but its near parklane. quite nice la.

fri, we went ps 2 get my sim card cos my sim card broke into 2. luckily still in time cos my stupid dearie still can go joggin ard 7plus when the shop close at 9. by the time he came fetch me, its 830 le. he sped all the way 2 ps. after tat we slack at ps playin our hp. after tat went momo meet tw n the rest. been quite some time we went club le. dearie drank quite alot tat day. been long since he drink so much le. at the same time he is tired 2. duno y he drink so much tat day 2...he send me hm after tat.

dearie came pick me up ard 2plus pm on sat, went ponggol plaza haf lunch den fetch his 2bros. the 4 of us went expo 4 the sitex fair.buy our memory stick n his car charger. the memory stick is 4 his christmas present.haha...walk round the whole sitex n big boyz toys fair.by the time finish it was 7plus le.the 4 of us cant decide wat 2 haf 4 dinner therefore dearie suggested goin bedok. he brought us there 4 dinner. by the time reach his hm its 10 le. slack den bathe den ard 2plus we went 2 slp.

woke up ard 9am. dearie ask me wanna haf breakfast not but i'm not really hungry so he woke up play game instead. at 10, he went for his soccer game wif his bro. i stayed inside the room continue watch my "my girl" vcd. dearie came hm ard 1 n told me he has 2 go back camp cos they last min call 2 ask him go back. got operation. he fetch me hm n on the way i pack both of our lunch. reach hm ard 2. eat, slack. dearie call ard 3plus n told me he can go hm le. on the way will come fetch me. he came at 4plus den acc him go j.east cut hair. slack n eat my long john. went hm ard 10plus.

My new Sony Ericsson M600i:

2 him

2006-11-30T07:43:00.000+08:00

now is 7.45am. lesson start at 9. i'm supposed 2 get up at 8. but i haf not slept at all the whole nite. juz cant fall asleep. its cos of us again. whole nite, haf been drinkin n thinkin. and now here i m listenin 2 the song "unbreak my heart" repeatedly, cryin and blogging at the same time. i really hope we cld get better. i dun 1 my every nite 2 b like tis. haiz....

dear, if u haf the chance 2 read tis, i hope u really put in effort 2 make us better. u cant leave all these mess 2 me. dear, i really luv u lots, really wish our goal will b fulfilled. really wish we cld start our own cosy hse, haf our own handsome n pretty kids, haf a happy family,start our business, watch our kids grow up and then we will hand in hand hold on 2 each other n grow old. really hope we cld follow our plan. dear, i dun wanna shed sad tears 4 u, i wanna shed happy tears.i'm tryin le but i cant possibly do it alone. i need u 2 help me, need u 2 try ur best 2. dear, the feelin i haf 4 u is true luv, not companion...remember the song "till the end"? tis shd b our song. can we work 2wards this song?

tears fall in silence

2006-11-28T00:42:00.000+08:00

And my stranger is him... hope tat our r/s will get better n better each day...hope tat he will treat me better...or mayb i can only hope

Love & Time

2006-11-27T00:26:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, there was an island where all feelings lived Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including Love.

One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left. Love was the only one who stayed.

Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you." Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel.

"Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered. Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness, let me Go with you." "Oh...Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!" Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her!

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder her name. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way.

Love realizing how much he owed the elder asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who helped me?" "It was Time," Knowledge answered.

"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"

Knowledge smiled with deep Wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

life in a mess

2006-11-25T21:46:00.000+08:00

i feel so tired so stressed. money, studies, r/s etc....i'm slowly dying fr it.

money... i haf barely enuf 2 spend for a mth. but now my hp is spoilt. the sliding part of the casing for the camera does not function le. and 1 casing cost 100plus. and my SIM card, it has broken into half. gettin a new sim card cost 30bucks. in total 2 make my hp needs abt 150 bucks. fuck... where do i get tis money??? each mth, i haf juz enuf 2 eat, dun even haf extra money 2 buy clothes not 2 say savings for rainy days.

studies...project is killing me. i duno anything, dun understand a single bit. my frenz r helpin me but i feel so bad cos they haf their share to do. i fell so useless. i'm not gd in programming. my supervisor doesn't teach us. if we do wrongly she will juz scold us instaed of pointing out our mistake. its my last sem in sch. but i'm afarid i'll haf 2 repeat another yr. juz dun feel like studyin anymore.

r/s....sometimes i wonder, did i make a mistake in the 1st pl.at times i feel juz like a bloody fool. he everytime tell me if sianz den dun come his hse. but if i dun come, we will nvr meet each other de. but when i go, sometimes i feel borin.. he will do his things (watch his vcd,play his game etc) for whole day n nite..he thinks tat as long as we r near its means accompanying. mayb it is but occasionally i do need him 2 do things 2gather wif me.there's 1 thing i wanna say...I M NOT SOME1 WHO GOES AFTER MONEY!!! when i tell him say, i acc him at hm so tat i can help him in saving money, he say i'm tryin 2 b wei da. but when i ask him go out, he say no money. haiz.. he ask me help him sell things. i say ok and ask him abt the market price so i can fetch a higer price for him if possible. but guess wat he say ...he say he is afraid i sell at a higher price but tell him i sell lower price and the difference i pocket it myself. thanx lor... he ask me 2 help but suspect me at the same time. argh..... duno how 2 pls him. wif him for 7mths but i only bought things twice when we go out. he spend n bought more den me. n yet he thinks i'm such person.i save n sometimes go on empty stomach 2 help him save...haha but tis is wat i get in return. i dun need him appreciate but i oso dun need him 2 think till like tis. mayb he is juz joking and dun mean it but it hurts 2 hear tis.i know he will say i cant take joke but...watever, i m juz lousy la.

i'm really goin mad le. common test in 2 weeks time n fuck...my life is in such a mess. sometimes i juz feel like givin up on everythin. studies, r/s etc...goin out 2 work n earn money n buy things 2 pamper myself. i juz hope tat some1 cld invent some medicine where u eat n u forget everything....

will it happen?

2006-11-24T01:26:00.000+08:00

guess we r really gonna end le ba. he sounded serious and cold wen he say tat. he sounds like he really mean it. he told me he doesn't want 2 c me. he told me nt 2 call him. he told me he wanted 2 b alone. he changed...changed 2 another person. he was cold 2wards me. not a single sms or a call fr him the whole day. i waited and waited and yet i juz continue 2 wait.

he say tat liking a person doesn't mean tat they haf 2 b 2gather, doesn't mean tat they cld live wif each other. sometimes i wonder y muz he make me believe tat we will get married n yet sometimes make me feel tat he is juz lyin 2 me.

mayb rite fr the start, being 2gather is a mistake. mayb confessing 2 him is a mistake.mayb i shd nt hold him back anymore.mayb without me, he wld b much more happier.mayb i shd let him go.

but how do i let him go? i cant imagine life/days without him.i haf no courage. i m juz so weak. other den cryin, i can only cry. i wish i haf the strength 2 let him go. i wish i cld b bold enuf. will i b able 2 pull myself up if he go? shd i delete away our pics in my blog n frenster? shd i change my status in frenster fr "in a relationship" to "its complicated" or mayb "single"? y muz i drown my sorrows wif bottles of liquor and cans of beer everynite? y cant it b tat he his hugging me 2nite? does he still luv me or has he already fallen for some1 n haf a change of heart? does he still want 2 b wif me? who can gif me the strength 2 carry on? who can guide my way?how long more will i haf 2 cry? i feel so empty so lost.

wonder wat is he doin now... is he out enjoyin or is he playin games or is he sleepin. wonder does he miss me? will he think of me? is he worried abt me? cos he knows i'm out drinkin. but i guess he's not worried abt me ba. if he is worried, he wld haf called me 2 ask abt my safety le. does he know tat i miss him? does he know tat i'm cryin rite now? does he know tat i haf nt been sleepin for the past few days cos i'm thinkin n missin him? does he know tat he is hurting me?does he know tat i really luv him ?words left unspoken

fuckers

2006-11-20T01:38:00.000+08:00

every human couldn't live without love and without being loved. but y is loving some1 n being loved by some1 so difficult? why does luv hurts?

juz found out some things 2day....really upsets me...i know tm still like me at tat time n zh is after me n yet i like dearie n told dearie tat i like him. but did they know tat its tm who initiate the break off n he is the 1 tat hurt me 1st. n as for zh i told him b4 tat i dun wan hang ard wif him le. and its him tat dun wan let go. as for dearie, thou i'm the 1 tat told him i like him 1st, but i did not habour any hope. i did not force him 2 like me. i even told him tat after i confess 2 him, i wun hang ard wif him le. but he is the 1 tat told me he likes me 2. i still got the sms 2 prove. but y is every1 treatin me like a convict... i'm in no fault lor... n its up 2 tat person whether he wan accept me not. i nvr do anything 2 seduce him when i duno how 2 anyway. i'm a faithful n loyal gf when i'm in a r/s. dearie n his frenz may not believe. but i know all my frenz n ex knows it. ask every of my frenz n they will tell u how committed i m when i'm in a r/s. so fuck all those who talk bad n think bad abt me. ask my frenz n they will tell u wat kind of person i really m.u will haf ur karmas... wat goes ard comes ard, wat goes up muz come down...all of u r juz jealous. so wat if 3 guys after me, n 3 of them r frenz n havin conflicts among themselves? i dun force them 2 like me lor.they haf the freedom 2 like or not like me lor. instead they choose 2 like me.so wat can i do. all i can say is u all r simply juz jealous. jealous 4 watever fuckin reason i duno.hmmm mayb cos no other guys r after them other then their bf themself.find these ppl so fuckin pathetic....pathetic cos they haf nth better 2 do in their lives. tats y they mind n meddle so much abt other ppl's life. they juz simply cant find any better things 2 do.

sometimes i duno y dearie's fren juz cant mind their own business n get their own life. y muz they poke into our life..cant they juz get a life. haven't they got betta things 2 do? kids!!! they r juz simply so childish la. juz so hate some of dearie frenz. duno y they juz cant get a life. y muz they talk bad abt others. i dun wana arise matters but juz found out sth 2day tat really piss me off. its like i dun interfere in their things lor. wonder does dearie know tat i hate them not.

PS: TO THOSE FUCKERS OUT THERE..GET A LIFE LA...I DUN MEDDLE WIF UR AFFAIRS/LIFE, STOP MEDDLING WIF MINE. I DUN TALK ABT U SO STOP TALKIN ABT ME. STOP WANTING TO TRY FIND TROUBLE WIF ME.COS U WOULDN'T WANT IF I FIND TROUBLE WIF U. SO JUZ STOP MESSING WIF ME...LOSERS!!! IF U AIN'T GOT BETTER THINGS 2 DO, TRY LETTING THOSE STRAY DOGS FUCK OUT IN THE STREETS.

three little words

2006-11-14T22:49:00.000+08:00

+++ These are just three little BUT VERY POWERFUL words!!! +++

I'll be there

If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to take a sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase "I'll be there."
Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we're truly present for other people, important things happen to them & us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.

I miss you

Perhaps more marriages could be saved & strengthened if couples simply & sincerely say to each other "I miss you." This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired & loved. Consider how ecstatic you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call from your spouse in the middle of your work day, just to say, "I miss you."

I respect you

Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that another person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if they were adults you will strengthen the bonds & become close friends. This applies to all interpersonal relationships.

Maybe you're right

This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring frayed emotions. The flip side to "maybe you're right" is the humility of admitting maybe "I'm wrong". Let's face it. When you have a heated argument with someone, all you do is cement the other person's point of view. They, or you, will not change their stance and you run the risk of seriously damaging the relationship between you. Saying "maybe you're right" can open the door to further explore the subject, in which you may then have the opportunity to get your view across in a more rational manner.

Please forgive me

Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

I thank you

Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.

Count on me

A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is they're indicating, "You can count on me."

Let me help

The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and help.

I understand you

People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know in so many little ways that you understand them, is one of the most powerful tools for healing relationship. This applies to any relationship.

Go for it

We are all unique individuals. Don't try to get your friends to conform to your ideals. Support them in pursuing their interests, no matter how weird they seem to you. Everyone has dreams, dreams that are unique to that person only. Support and encourage your friends to follow their dreams. Tell them to "go for it."

I love you

Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone that you truly love them satisfies a person's deepest emotional needs. The need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your spouse, your children, your friends and you, all need to hear those three little words "I love you."

shopping

2006-11-13T23:35:00.000+08:00

went shoppin at tampines mall wif my boy on sat... he bought clothes for me again. tis time a t shirt fr IP Zone n a long sleeve t shirt from FOX-f men and f woman... duno y nowadays keep buyin clothes fr fox. juz simply luv their clothes la... eyein a jacket fr there 2 but haf yet 2 buy... after tat went geylang eat claypot rice wif my boy n his 2 younger bros.

my boy was nt in a gd mood 2day due 2 sth happen at work. i understand his feelings. he dun like his job. he dun like navy life. i feel so helpless cos i cant do anything 2 help him. all i can say is dear u haf 2 endure...4 yrs more 2 go den u can leave le. for my sake, for our future sake, u haf 2 endure. i'll always b here 4 u.

t shirt from IP Zone:

long sleeve fr FOX (take my breath away):

i wish

2006-11-09T21:06:00.000+08:00

i know if i wish he cld b here, it wouldn't happen....i juz wish tat some1 cld b here 4 me. i wish some1 cld dry and wipe away my tears. i wish some1 cld lend me their shoulder 2 lean on. i wish some1 cld b my pillar of strength.i wish some1 cld make me smile again. i wish some1 wil tell me tat there wun b any unhappy days fr now on. i wish some1 cld tel and show me tat they wld always b here for me n nvr leave. i wish some1 cld hug me tight and gif me warmth. i wish some1 cld hold my hand n nvr let go.i wish some1 cld tell me he'll love me 4ever......i wish and i can only wish....

i'm feelin so lost and empty....

breathe again

2006-11-08T01:49:00.000+08:00

Have you wondered how it feels when it's all over, wonder how it feels when you just have to start a new,
never knowing where you're going, when you face a brand new day,
it used to be that way,
now I just close my eyes and say
I just want to breathe again,
learn to face the joy and pain,
discover how to laugh a little,
cry a little,
live a little more,

I just wanna face today,
forget about the wars of yesterday,
maybe if I hope a little,
try a little more,
I'll breathe again

starting out again is never easy,
disappointments come and go but life still moves on,
with a bit of luck.
It's a brand new start,
that might just work my way,
no need to walk away,
don't want to live on life replay,
*things will work out fine,
if you can find the courage to look past the night,
to see the break of dawn.

+++ i'm hurt once again +++

my new wallet

2006-11-05T02:47:00.000+08:00

tis few weeks haf been slacking at dear's home whenever he's not on duty or sailing.watchin vcd/tv, playin com, doin work, playing games,eating and sleeping...sometimes only goin out 4 dinner or nearby 2 haf a walk. we both r trying 2 save money..... haf been spending alot in oct on the chalet and his bd. yeah... hope we cld save lots n lots so we can go on a shopping spree b4 new yr... sounds funny but i kind of miss the chalet. its feels so our home...chevrons chalet is big n nice and it is fully furnish. it practically looks like a home. well i miss the 3 days i spend in the chalet wif dearie n frenz. hmmm....hope i cld organise another 1 soon.

my renoma wallet tore since duno when. realise it only yesterday..only been using it 4 a yr. 1 of the card compartment tear.told dearie tis noon and in the evening, after our nap, he brought me 2 buy a new wallet.went 2 wallet shop 1st but nothing really caught my attention. browse thru pierre cardin section 1st, they haf new designs but....not really 2 my liking. only abt 2 which i KIV(keep in view) it. browse the renoma section next. mostly old designs, variety not much. therefore none capture my eye. was quite disappointed cos i like renoma brand for wallets. went walkin ard for wallets. suddenly sth caught my attention. the GUESS bag on display was so damn nice. went 2 haf a look. but wow...the price is so damn ex... den saw the wallet...hmmm not bad!!! saw a few nice designs. sth unique. these design of wallets i've not use b4. worth tryin. but its not cheap either. haiz... walk out of the store but my "xin yang yang" la.. dearie ask me 2 buy but i'm not sure whether 2 go back wallet shop buy the pierre carin wallet or buy tis GUESS wallet. in the end after some comparison, dearie ask me 2 buy the GUESS wallet. there's abt 3 designs tat i set my eyes on. eventually i choose a black 1, ask 4 a new 1 but sad 2 say tats the last piece. haiz...but luckily i still haf 2 more designs i can choose fr. haha cos at 1st i set my eyes on 3 ma...thanx god the 2nd 1 i choose, they haf a new piece, therefore bought tat. hehehe and dearie paid for it. thanx dearie....despite he has headache, but he still brought me out 2 buy a wallet for me. Arigato!!! but me feel a lil heart pain la...cos last week he bought me a shirt le, tis week buy such n ex wallet den still say wanna bring me buy more clothes... both dearie n me set our eyes on a few clothes from fox...some of their clothes n jackets r nice...esp the jackets looks real nice. ARGH!!!!! me wanna buy betula, birkenstock n papillio sandals. if possible, me wana buy abt 5 pairs fr the 3 brands..haha think i'm mad le. 5 pairs cost me abt $300... haf been viewing their catalogue 4 the past 3 days. juz simply luv those sandals so much la. dearie say he wana gif me money 2 buy. but he "pan tang" la. so he ask me use my money buy 1st den he gif me the money as 2 spend on other things. dun think i'll want him 2 gif me money. i'll save up n buy. oh ya... who wants 2 buy these sandals tell me k...cos buy online in bulk will b cheaper la. so we can buy 2gather in bulk

my new GUESS wallet from dearie:

Dearie wif my bd present 4 him (his fav liverpool jersey):

dear's bd

2006-10-30T00:52:00.000+08:00

dear's bd juz pass. bought him a liverpool jersey which cost $90, folded hearts n bought a bottle which cost $17, bought him a card which cost $9 and treat him to sakae sushi buffet which cost $36. altogether spend $152.... my savings for 2 months are use 2 do this. n now i'm totally broke.been eatin vege rice in sch for quite sometime le..how long more muz i eat vege rice???now haf 2 start saving up for christmas. nd 2 buy him christmas present if we r still 2gather. guess vege rice for the next few mths.argh!!!

haiz... me took 2 nites to design his card but he juz look at it for 2 min and the card goes into his drawer le. no expression of any happiness or touched look on his face, juz a thank you. i guess there goes my effort le. tot he wld b touched but i guess the more hopes i put in, the greater my dissapointment wld b. i guess his ex gfs did better job den me ba. guess they design better den me ba. ya...i admit my design r ugly and lousy.my card is gonna stay inside the drawer till the day we break up without him lookin at it the 2nd time ba. sometimes i juz wish he cld take a look more often...haiz...

wonder does he like the jersey??? me thought of every idea wat 2 get for him and tot tis is the best. juz hope tat he really like it ba. wanted 2 buy him a small cake, haf him blow out the candles, even brought candles along. but was rejected by him. there goes my plan. tried 2 think of ways 2 touched him but no matter wat i do, he seems like a dead person, no feelings de. juz a boring look on his face. in the end haf 2 apologise 2 him for makin him so bored after the sushi dinner on sat nite. can any1 tell me wat shd i do?

feel tat i'm changing into another person, another life. changing 2 the type of gf he wants me 2 b. it gets tired sometimes cos he doesn't appreciate some of the things tat i've done and sometimes take me for granted. my efforts r not regconise...sometimes i wish he cld care abt me more, my safety, my well being...i guess i can only work harder ba... jia you, jia you!!!

but after everything, after every arguments, every quarrel, after every unhappiness, sadness, anger, watever lah.... he is still my loveliest, clever, handsome pig( let him c tis sure die de)...oops its bf.. he still holds a very impt pl in my heart. he is still the 1 i long for everyday/nite. he is still the 1 i wana walk down the aisle wif. he is still the 1 i wana hold on to till we both get old... "jian chi dao di"

been havin bruises all over my hands and legs.. elbows, palm, knee, ankle etc... every week there'll b bruises, old one heals, new one comes...pain pain pain..

chalet

2006-10-21T13:23:00.000+08:00

our chalet juz ended. there r times when its fun but there are oso times tat r borin. arrived at 2 and check in. room was so damn big and nice and gd and its 2 levels. unpack and relax awhile then took a nap. few came at 5.we had bbq on the 1st nite fr 6 onwards. there were abt 10-12 ppl.halfway thru the bbq, i was tired therefore went inside 2 haf a sit/rest at the same time watch tv. but he came in say me.haiz.... after bbq which was abt 12, we took turns 2 bathe then they play mahjong till 5plus in the mornin. abt 8 including us slept at the chalet.slept at abt 5plus. but woke up at 9plus.do nth except 2 c him play game.

after every1 woke up, i told him tat i'm hungry and tat every1 has woke up le so we can go eat le cos b4 tat he told me wen every1 wake den we go eat. ard 12,we went j.east haf lunch den walk ard there den went back chevrons. they went play bowling. nvr play cos was quite tired. tot after bowling, he cld acc me go back rest. but instead, he ask those guys go play CS. i was very tired and giddy le and having a lil breathing difficulty.wanted 2 voice out, but i know i couldn't. he will sure say den u go back urself lor. haha as expected he told me go back myself if i dun 1 follow him even thou i nvr voice out. no choice, i followed the rest 2 play CS at the arcade room. they all played CS left me alone do nth there. walk round the room, play some games. but i became more giddy and my head slow start 2 pain. therefore stop playin n took a chair n sit beside him. after they finish playin, we went back chalet, he immediately went play the ps2. after playin game, they play mahjong till evening. went eat dinner at j.east. 1 by 1 his fren went hm. left the 2 of us. slept at 11.

woke up at 6plus. do nth cos he still sleepin. called him up at 8. cook for him breakfast the 1st time but not even a thank you...hurting!!! he ask me dun wash say he will wash n leave the bowls there and went up slp again. me went up 2 cos i dun wan b alone downstairs. felt very tired 2. i say cant slp cos not yet wash everything. he say set alarm to 1030 den he will wake and wash. so i listen n did wat he say. fell asleep soon after tat. alarm sounded, me woke up wif a start. called him up, told him 1030 le gotta get up prepare, wash everything cos we by 12 haf 2 check out and b4 tat we gotta ask ppl come inspect. check out at 11plus. he send me hm to put everything and wash up. went his hm after tat. slack till evenin went eat dinner, watch the movie silk den went home. the fun part was during bbq, eating, etc. the borin part was wen he play ps2.

*** wana b the gal tat brightens up everybody's day even wen she couldn't brighten her own and the gal tat always smiles even when she is hurt ***

upcoming chalet

2006-10-16T23:54:00.000+08:00

tis wed will b havin our chalet at chevrons. our 1st chalet. he book it abt 2 mths ago...its supposed 2 b for me 2 enjoy and relax after my exam de...i m very excited and looking forward to it cos tis is my 1st time holding a chalet wif dearie. and its only my third time holding and organising a chalet...wonder will it turn out fine. wonder will i enjoy the chalet n feel happy. hope it will....**praying**

sec1

2006-10-13T02:02:00.000+08:00

juz saw the friendster of a guy. he is not juz any other ordinary guy. well he is some1 whom i like when i was in sec 1. he is gettin married tomorrow. saw his weddin photos and invitation cards. he's lucky 2 find such a beautiful n gd wife and this guy is jackson liauw...

he is an indonesian. older den me by 4 yrs but he is in sec 2 wen i was in sec 1. he use 2 stay ard river valley area wif his sis and guardian wen he was in sg.our story dated back to 1997. thou we were nvr together b4 but we both know tat we like each other. i cld still remember vividly abt every details of wat has happen. sometimes i wonder if he didn't left for australia durin end of 1997 after me completed sec1, will we ever had the chance 2 b together? after he left, i regretted not lettin him know earlier. i regretted tellin him only during the last day of sch. sch life fr den onwards became so colourless.i dread goin 2 sch after tat. after he left, me changed..from a gd gal 2 a real bad gal. sometimes i wonder, if he didn't leave, wld i b different fr now? wld i haf been a better person?

i always look forward goin 2 sch durin sec 1. cos i know i'll get 2 c him. durin our 7mths of so call "courtship", not once haf i been absent fr sch b4. he only absent once due 2 bad flu. jack is fr the rugby team, a tall n so call mascular guy who always hang ard wif a gd buddy of his by the name of jimmy who is also an indonesian. no matter where i was in sch, which part of the sch, no matter wat time, he will appear in front of me if not within my view. we nvr really talk b4...guess we contacted thru telepathy ba.we somehow seems 2 know where each other are and wat each other is doin and wat each other wants

example:
1) our seats are located according to classes. and mine is in front of the soya bean stall.everyday during recess, me and my classmates will sit at our designated pl and without fail, he will buy soya bean 2 drink.
2) everyday without fail, no matter wat time i finish sch, even on days wen i haf cca or he has cca, when i walk to the mrt, its either he will b walkin behind me or i'm walkin behind him. he takes the bus hm while i talk mrt. but his bus stop is juz above my mrt.we will den meet up again at the mini store at the mrt wehre he'll go to buy newpaper.
3) our classes r at the opposite blk. but we can still c each other. everyday wen he walk past, we will sure look at each other, sometimes we will peep out of class 2 look at each other(he n me r sitting at the corner window seat).
4) and thou we are at diff blk, but when we go out for mornin assembly, we'll either be walkin behind or infront of each other everyday.
5) even when i'm in far east with my frenz, he and jimmy will oso appear in far east.(ok...my sec sch is so damn near 2 far east plaza and orchard. far east is juz 2 bus stop away fr my sch or a 10min walk will reach. so orchard use 2 b our hang out pl after sch)
6) and alot more.......

we both confess 2 our frenz. he got my number fr our fren but he nvr called. he purposely came 2 my class 2 write at my autograph book. this is wat he wrote: hi, i'm jackson. i just happen to pass by and decided to say hi to you. from jackson....(i kept my autograph book under my table and my table is juz beside the wall.if he were 2 juz pass by my class, he wun b able 2 c it. for one 2 c it, he has 2 sit on my chair and bend down b4 he cld c it).wow, its been 8yrs and i cld still remember wat he wrote. i still remember after he left for australia, for 2 yrs, durin 1998 and 1999, every mth i wrote letters 2 him. but the letters haf nvr been posted out 2 him b4. he came back sg in the begining of 1999 when i was in sec 3. he came back 2 our sch. i saw him. he called me but i nvr ans him. i was shocked 2 c him and angry at the same time. cos he juz left without tellin me. ok i know i m nth 2 him..but...i was juz so lost for words.i waited for him for 1 yr..the whole of 1998, i waited for him.

there are still so much things abt us...but i guess i'll stop here. time past real fast. its been 7 yrs since i last saw him. no news fr him during those yrs too. found him in frenster abt 2 yrs ago. had a short msg exchange wif him in frenster. glad tat he still remember me.he's gettin married tmr le..i hereby sincerely wish him all the best, congratulations and happiness 2 both he and his wife.

tis use 2 b our song after he left for aust:
Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on
Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're one
Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
There is some love that will not go away
You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

yesterday, today and tomorrow

2006-10-10T22:22:00.000+08:00

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry. Two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is yesterday, with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone!!

The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow, with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow's sun will rise, whether in splendor or behind a mask of clouds. But it will rise. Until it does we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.

This leaves only one day: today.

Any man can fight the battles of just one day. It is when you and I add the burdens of two awful eternities - yesterday and tomorrow, that we break down.

It is not necessarily the experience of today that disturbs one's peace of mind. It is often time the bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us therefore live one day at a time.

Morale of the story: while we should remember the past and plan and anticipate the future, it is critical that we don't get paralyzed by either. By focusing on making the best of the present, we can actually make the past a sweeter learning experience, and make tomorrow's hopes and dreams closer to reality.

keep trying

2006-10-10T00:54:00.000+08:00

When young F. W. Woolworth was a store clerk, he tried to convince his boss to have a ten-cent sale to reduce inventory.

The boss agreed, and the idea was a resounding success. This inspired Woolworth to open his own store and price items at a nickel and a dime. He needed capital for such a venture, so he asked his boss to supply the capital for part interest in the store.

His boss turned him down flat. "The idea is too risky," he told Woolworth. "There are not enough items to sell for five and ten cents." Woolworth went ahead without his boss's backing, and he not only was successful in his first store, but eventually he owned a chain of F. W. Woolworth stores across the nation.

Later, his former boss was heard to remark, "As far as I can figure out, every word I used to turn Woolworth down cost me about a million dollars."

Morale of the story: the greatest risk in life is not taking any risks at all. In life, people rarely regret when they tried, but didn't succeed. They regret when they never tried at all.

weak

2006-10-07T04:37:00.000+08:00

my eyes r pain and tired...........from cryin.............i'm gettin weaker n weaker each day....help!!!

blessing in disguise

2006-10-04T23:58:00.000+08:00

The only survivor of a shipwreck washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly to be rescued, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.

Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with the smoke rolling up to the sky.

The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stung with grief and anger.
"God, how could you do this to me!" he cried and complained.

Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship's horn that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.

morale of the story: never forget that many blessings come in disguises. Often they show up as uncomfortable or even dangerous and painful situations. And often only later, sometimes decades later, does the true purpose of something revealed. May you all be blessed with revealed blessings.

PUI!!!

2006-10-04T00:08:00.000+08:00

sth unlucky happen 2 my dad 2day, n it affected my family.. there's alot of senseless, stupid n fuckup shit ass hole ppl in tis world. dun feel like mentioning wat happen. makes my blood boils.. luckily, i dun haf any knife or dangerous weapon wif me else, i'm gonna kill tat person. he's juz a pathetic loser, think his whole family is. he shouldn't even exist in tis world in the 1st pl. juz dun understand, y dun he go ask his wife or mother or sister or daughter 2 go become some low class prostitute bein fucked by dogs rather den come up wif such fucked up plan n in the end gain nth out of it. or mayb he can try askin his father or brother or son 2 b some kind of shit collecter or animal ass wiper.he juz piss the hell out of me....PUI!!!

it rained heavily in the mornin at ard 10plus. was still on bed but was half awake. supposed 2 go sch at 1pm but was cancelled again last min by my fren so went back slp til 2plus. wonder will i ever finish doin my project. hope i will. the weather was quite cold today..esp durin the nite, me cld feel the cool air. how i wish he was ard 2 hug me n gif me warmth, stroking my hair till i fall asleep. argh!!! i know i m dreaming again.he will not do all these de. **wake up**....the last msg he sent me was at 8plus in the mornin. sayin some boliao things, pushin blames at me. n the whole day n nite not even a call or sms fr him. haha...as expected la. i'm so silly enuf 2 even wait for his call or sms when i jolly well know it wun happen. he is more happy without me la..haha...i'm so tired..i juz wana cry..

inspirational

2006-10-02T00:29:00.000+08:00

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

This is by Rex Barker, reminding you that in life, you will often be given the opportunity to do right or wrong.

The wrong may be easier, more (superficially) satisfying, more profitable, or appear to put you in a better light.
Do the right thing anyway.

blind

2006-10-01T03:05:00.000+08:00

y is fate so cruel n unfair??? did i do anything wrong in my past life 2 haf 2 go thru all these in my present life? my gastric is getting worser n worser. few yrs ago i was admitted in hospital for gastric pain/stomach ulcer. it got better after tat. and over these few yrs thou i still haf gastric but not tat often and bad. but recently, for the past few weeks, it got bad. almost everyday, at different times of the day,i'll get gastric pain. sometimes even if i got eat, i'll oso haf gastric pain. at times, will pain till i cant stand or sit, worst still, i cant even lie down. i dun dare go c doc again. i'm afraid of bein warded again. the process of treatment is very painful. i'm scared tat i'll b diagnose wif some illness or wat.

my eyes is giving me prob again. my eye vein burst once last yr after k broke off. cos i cried 2 much le. went c doc tat time n he said tat both my eye the eye vein v near my eye pupil.and he say tat if i cry 2 much, it will get closer n closer and if it reach the pupil, i'll go blind. cos blood will clot at the pupil n damage it.last week, i cried till very jialat again cos of him(dear). n my head fr tat day onwords, every nite pain.my eyes started 2 pain 2 and at times, i juz cant simply open my eyes cos my eye muscle juz dun haf the strength 2 do so. sometimes my image will become blur. i'm afraid 2 become blind but i juz duno how 2 b strong n stop cryin. i wonder wat wld life b if i'm blind. mayb it'll b better cos if i m blind, i wun c things tat i dun wana c, i'll juz stay at hm n lost contact wif outside world, like tat i wun cry anymore le.

despite me bein in pain, he still doesn't know abt it. alot of ppl ask me, haf i told him abt it, i told them no. simply because i dun haf the courage 2 tell him. i duno how 2 tell him. he wun believe me de. he will juz say aiya dun bluff la....i'm afraid i'll get tis response fr him n i'll b more sad den, so i did not tell him. but each time, he will make me cry. he will say hurtful things 2 me or abt me. like juz now, he say tat B***K U* word again. tis is duno the how many times he say it le.told him b4 tat if he wan a B***K U* den he muz confirm n mean it. if he dun wan den he shd not even mention it. not everytime B***K and P***H like a small kid game. i'm slowly losin confidence in us. every now n then he will say it. i nd motivation. i nd him givin me confidence. but whenever he say tat, i lose hope in us. sooner or later i'll b blind i guess. cos if tis goes on, i'll continue cryin. wen will my tears ever stop? i'm goin blind soon le, juz hope he'll b there for me, encourage me, stand by me, support me, motivate me, gif me confidence and all the luv i nd. n if i'm blind 1 day, juz hope tat he can b my pair of eyes and guide me. but i know i can only hope. haiz... juz hope ba.b4 i really go blind, can any1 tell me r my eyes pretty?

respect my thinking

2006-09-29T00:45:00.001+08:00

sometimes i juz dun understand y when ppl ask for my comments/advice/opinions and yet dun accept it. y mus they put their ideas into my thinking when its supposed 2 b wat i think n feel. there's no rite or wrong cos its my comments/advice/opinions. i tell them wat i feel n think in my perspective, in my pt of view. but y muz they argue back n say i m wrong. den wats the pt of askin me. and since they haf made up their mind, den dun ask cos no matter wat i say they'll still choose wat they want in the 1 st place. if they cant accept my comments/advice/opinions other then their own thinkin den they shouldn't ask. will they feel better when they ask me n den say its wrong. they can choose 2 heed or not 2. but y criticise my thinkin. den when i keep quiet, they want me 2 say sth...argh!!!! tired...

napfa

2006-09-26T23:39:00.000+08:00

meet outside sch bus stop at 9am today. then went to hear a talk by NTU till 12plus noon. was so hungry halfway thru the talk but haf to endure till 12plus then can eat. damn!!! and by the time eat, me got gastric le... wat the hack!!! anyway the talk by NTU was quite informative. the talks were abt engrr courses. they say till as thou poly grads can easily enter NTU. but i doubt so la. they say wat poly engrr grads can directly enter 2nd yr or b exempted for certain modules. haha... even thou i wish i cld get in but i think all these r mainly for those poly grads wif COM or distinctions or some other awards. fat hopes for some1 like me. think for me, the most can only end up in uniSIM. but thats gd enuf for me ready.haha...dun expect 2 much, b contented if i cld get a deg in uniSIM. least they r now considered 1 of the uni in sg. the 4th uni in sg.

after lunch, went back class. we still haf abt 1 and half hrs more 2 go b4 napfa test start. well, had lots of "fun" wif the gals in class. as usual, we will talk n laugh non stop. each of us taking turns to crack jokes. simply luv these gals, they nvr fail 2 make me laugh n brighten up my day. sometimes i go sch juz for the sake of hanging out wif them even thou i dread goin sch durin project day. as for my gastric pain, it lessen as time pass. n when its finally 2.30, the pain is gone. amazing... went did our 5 stations 1st. we dun aim for any awards, we only aim for juz a pass which is E or rather juz 1 pt in every station.standing board jump:171, sit n reach:42, shuttle run:12.08, situp:27, pull up:8....i pass all my 5 stations...but when it comes to 2.4 run, me failed... thou i completed 6 rounds but i got a freaking 18.something min.....and the passin time was 17min...argh!!!! i tot i can put all my best in tis napfa n complete it once n for all. but... haiz... duno whether haf 2 retake or not. i totally sux in 2.4 run...me felt like vomitting after the run. whole body turn cold. felt very giddy 2. like any moment cld pass out.

now my whold body is aching. muscle cramps at every part of my body. gonna rest le...

tell me!!!

2006-09-26T01:09:00.000+08:00

how do u tell when some1 doesn't luv u anymore??? will he get angry easily? will he shout at u even at the slightest thing? will he shout vulgarities at u? will he say things tat hurt u? wil he dun even gif u a damn? wil he contanstly ask 4 a breakup? will he set datelines 4 u and when u cant do it within the dateline, he will leave u?will he blame u 4 almost all the things, blame u whenever both of u quarrelled? will he dun even care abt ur whereabouts and wat u r doin? wil he nvr once say u r beautiful 2 him? wil he nvr once wipe away ur tears for u? will he say he dun feel like listenin when u wana talk 2 him or tell him sth? wil he say wat u say r all craps n rubbish?

tell me.....some1 pls tell me....

---*** audrey lost her way ***---

xiang hui dao guo qu

2006-09-25T00:08:00.000+08:00

went watch the banquet juz now. a show tat all the main characters die. a slow n "steamy" show. no harm watchin but money can b valued for better shows.

when i look into his eyes juz now, the sparkle in his eyes n the enthu in him have all disappear.i cant find anything in him tat i can proudly say its mine. i cant seem 2 find those affectionate stare in his eyes.

when k broke off, i lost all confidence in luv. it took me a very long time 2 pick up all the broken pieces he left behind. juz as i finish pickin, x came along n within 1 mth, he left me wif tears for me 2 wipe off alone. after tat, so much tussles happen. i'm forced 2 choose between frens. eventually i chose him. i did not habour much hope den. i was prepared for rejection but things happen when i least expected it. eventually we got together till nw. but nw i m prepairing for the worst again. he may leave any min. i juz feel so hopeless. i'm juz so useless. y will i haf 2 pick up those broken pieces again? we talk abt marriage, we nearly went 2 apply for hdb. almost on the verge of marry. n yet once again it will b gone. how many times muz i fail inorder for me 2 succeed? my heart aches...i feel so hurt. he has changed.he may break off anytime. i'm so scared. i live in constant fear everyday. i cant even slp peacefully everynite. sometimes in the middle of the nite, i will wake up in cold sweat. i dun wanna go thru all these.its 2 much for me 2 take.i regretted not listenin 2 my frenz n fell 2 deep.now its so hard 4 me 2 climb up again.....rite now i'm listenin 2 the song "xiang hui dao guo qu". i really wish i cld turn back time.

my tears

2006-09-23T16:41:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder... did i make the wrong decision???i wonder if i nvr told him, will i b much happier now? i cried more then i smiled. my eyes are very pain. i cried till my eyes bleed. i wish i cld stop crying. is everything fated? y is fate so cruel then? i don't wanna lock myself up in my room n cry den go out n face my frenz n family happily like nth happen 2 me each time. my eyes swell badly each time i cry sometimes till i cant even open. he nvr once comfort me.i cried cos of him but ended up i'm the 1 wiping my own tears. sometimes even thou he knew i was crying, he still say hurtful things 2 me. juz because he thinks i'm not gd enuf, juz because i cant b the type of gf he wants me 2 b, juz because i cant do wat he wants me 2 do. does he luv me for who i m or does he luv me for who he wants me 2 b? i tot he luvs me but each time he say those hurtful things, those really hurtful things any1 cld say 2 their gf, i'd pause n wonder do he really luv me. mayb i'm really a bad gf, mayb i'm really not gd enuf for him, mayb i cant hit his expectations but i dun think tis is oso the way 2 treat a gf. some ppl told me my tears are precious, n it hurts them seeing me cry. but 2 him my tears r juz any ordinary water. y do i n y muz i cry in silence each time. y m i so weak? y cant i b strong? i tot i haf learn 2 b strong but... i juz wana stop crying. i juz wana smile again.i'm so tired. sometimes when i slp n when i dreamt of us happily together in my dreams, i refuse 2 wake up, i refuse to leave the dream cos mayb only in dreams den we'll b happily together. let me slp forever!!!

np zouk nite out

2006-09-22T00:49:00.000+08:00

went zouk last nite wif my poly frenz...abt 5 gals and abt 10plus guys. did not really enjoy mayb because i was tired. went sch in the morning den went for a jog in the noon after that went home prepare then went out meet the gals go orchard relac. went zouk ard 11pm. well it was damn crowded. crowded till u cant even stand peacefully. went hm ard 2plus..b4 leaving, we saw a guy vomitted till like nobody's business. think his 3days food all vomitted out le. after vomitting he lie down on his vomit.he totally drunk n knock out le..yucks!!!

At orchard:

At Zouk:

Our chop:

dearie came back fr his long sailin 2day. hmmm i feel a lil funny. its like sth is missing, sth is nt rite..i duno but i juz haf tis funny feelin. mayb its cos 2 long nvr c him le. or mayb we r use 2 quarrelin le. den now suddenly like everything go well so i feel tis way.went meet him 4 dinner. till 11plus. anyway hope we haf better days ahead ba..hope all those quarrelin will stop ba..

malaysia

2006-09-19T00:39:00.000+08:00

juz came back from malaysia today. went on sat morning. hmmm its been long since i went shopping. therefore bought quite a few things there. me bought a pair or shoe, 2 shorts(those that could b worn out 2 orchard),3 tops, a bodyshop perfume, a coin pouch...bought for dearie a card holder, a liverpool tag plate and snacks...wanted to buy his liverpool jersey for him de. but its more expensive in malaysia. so think i'm gonna get it in sg instead. bought ear rings for my 3 gal frenz... now i'm back broke....

result came out last fri. haiz...its getting worser n worser each semester... last time use to have As..... not even a single As!!! and my GPA sux 2 the core....less den 2.5...i use to get 3.something n above....damn it!!! all thanx to project...all thanx to my project supervisor....givin us a C in a 8 credit module. n it fucking drag all our grades down.wonder y does she still exist in this world???cant believe that our(me n my frenz) 3 yrs in poly, she is the only lecturer that we hated so much, tat we nearly slap her.argh annoying bitch. still haf 2 face her for another sem.

dearie will only b back tis fri but can only come out on sat mornin..sianz ah... nvr c him for 2 weeks le...haiz!!! all cos of his long sail..thou we got contact thru callin n sms this 1 week, but i still miss him...quick quick quick come back!!!

blood group

2006-09-15T00:54:00.000+08:00

BLOOD GROUP O

In a nutshell:

Cannot stand people who hide the truth

Basic Behavior:

Make objectives clear
Possess great deal of confidence
Honest, optimistic and energetic

Tolerance:

Strength and endurance depend on their aim
Give up easily if they find the job meaningless

How do they see their future and past?

Positive about the past, thus do not regret about the past
Seek financial stability for the future

How do they express their emotions?

Usually stable and calm
Sensitive towards sincerity
Give frank, direct opinions

How do they work?

Ability to concentrate vary from time to time, depending on aim
Mostly prefer to lead
Can overlook details

BLOOD GROUP A

In a nutshell:

Pessimistic and too sensitive

Basic Behavior:

Careful about decision-making
Make things clear in black and white
Care too much about social rules and standards

Tolerance:

High tolerance for physical or repetitive work
Cannot take changes easily
Lose interest in a hobby easily

How do they see their future and past?

Try hard to forget the past
Pessimistic about the future

How do they express their emotions?

Able to display cool outlook even though angry
Short-tempered
Take longer to heal a broken heart
Sensitive to others' opinions

How do they work?

Perfectionist
Handle one thing at a time
Work a line between work and personal affairs
Highly responsible
Tend to choose hobbies which help them release stress

BLOOD GROUP B

In a nutshell:

Cannot take orders easily

Basic Behavior:

Make decisions fast
Can be flexible
Do not care about rules
Respect scientific and practical findings

Tolerance:

Maintain the longest interest in what they do
Seem impatient
Dislike repetitious work

How do they see their future and past?

Hard to forget recent affairs, but able to forget past and memories

How do they express their emotions?

Expressive
Cool and objective
Although joke a lot, could actually be very shy
Change moods like the weather
Cannot stop complaining when they are upset

How do they work?

Creative and possess new ideas
Cannot differentiate between work and hobby
Cannot take orders
Do not hesitate to introduce innovative changes and are not worried about theirs criticisms

BLOOD GROUP AB

In a nutshell:

Romantic and sentimental

Basic Behavior:

Extremely practical
Excellent in analyses
Give fair criticisms
Cannot decide when it comes to important issues

Tolerance:

Try to be hard-working
Tend to be impatient

How do they see their future and past?

Sentimental about the past
More concern about the immediate problems than anything else

How do they express their emotions?

Sentimental
Usually cool and steady, but can get upset with an immediate, unsolved problem
Can get moody easily

How do they work?

Able to handle a wide scope of jobs
Value hard work
Quick in understanding
Not highly responsible and unable to follow-up on a project until its completion
Tend to be artistic in approach

ours

2006-09-11T10:15:00.000+08:00

Mine

Does your name begin with: A

U are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action.You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get.You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up-front person. You often don't get hints & you ever pass any. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is! intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important for you. You tend to be very Practical, & not very emotional Your choices are very good & can only lead to trouble. You are very self satisfied & egoistic.

MARCH

Attractive personality

Affectionate

Shy and reserved

Secretive

Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic

Loves peace and serenity

Sensitive to others

Loves to serve others

Not easily angered

Trustworthy

Appreciative and returns kindness

Observant and assess others
Revengeful

Loves to dream and fantasize

Loves travelling

Loves attention

Hasty decisions in choosing partners

Loves home decors

Musically talented

Loves special things

Moody

Aries:

Turn ons
Aries are naturally active and vibrant people and they have affinity for such people too . You will have to increase your pace to be in step with them. Remember they leave tortoises and snails way behind without even glancing at them once. They like and appreciate frank and straightforward persons. With them you can be your true self that is no pretenses (but don`t try your luck being over frank-they are volatile). If you are in love with Ram then you have to show your enthusiasm in all there activities (you can always yawn later!).

Turn offs
Do not tell an Aries that s/he may be wrong lest you may stir a storm in a teacup. But instead do what you feel is right and of course do not take the credit for the work done well. Aries people are very faithful and passionate lovers. Do not give air to the smoldering fire within them by making them jealous. No flirtations or fooling around with others in their presence unless of course you wish to write your death wish (you will be granted!).

Dear

Does your name begin with: R

You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal-the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is not very important to you. You have to be proved to be worthy for a partner. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating & romantic.

OCTOBER

Loves to chat

Loves those who loves him

Loves to takes things at the centre

Attractive and suave

Inner and physical beauty

Does not lie or pretend

Sympathetic

Treats friends importantly

Always making friends

Easily hurt but recovers easily

Bad tempered

Selfish

Seldom helps unless asked

Daydreamer

Very opinionated

Does not care of what others think

Emotional

Decisive

Strong clairvoyance

Loves to travel, the arts and literature

Soft-spoken, loving and caring

Romantic

Touchy and easily jealous

Concerned

Loves outdoors

Just and fair

Spendthrift and easily influenced

Easily lose confidence

Scorpio:

Turn ons
Scorpio's are full of passion and zest for life. They have tremendous drive that can involve you too. Tune in to their wavelength and you can enjoy the harmony and music in life with them. Scorpio's are loyal and never forget a kind deed done by you. If you want to enjoy life with your Scorpio lover share their passion and intensity and you will be fascinated by how beautiful life can be with them.

Turn offs
Scorpio's are very passionate and intense but they are also fiercely possessive and would like to possess your mind, body and soul. Do not let seeds of jealousy grow in them because then you may have to suffer agonies of jealousy and discontentment in life. Scorpio`s have explosive tempers be careful how you handle them. They never let anyone know what is going on in their mind till they strike and you may be caught unawares. Do not flirt around in the presence of your Scorpio lover.

tears

2006-09-10T23:42:00.000+08:00

he left for sailing tis noon. a 2 weeks sailing, and will be back on the 22nd but on the 22nd he has duty so on the 23rd then can go home. we quarrelled the nite b4 he went sailin, which is on a sat nite. can consider quite major. and it is almost abt the same thing. even b4 he went sailin, we still haf 2 quarrel. its like only a few more hrs left b4 he sail for 2 weeks. i'm so tired.... sometimes i wonder did i make the wrong choice? if i haf made the wrong choice den when wld i make the rite choice? if its the wrong choice, den y m i always making the wrong choice..i wana smile, i wana hear my laughter again. i wana b happy...instead i cried again! but...yet again he did not wipe away my tears. not once did he ever wipe away my tears n lend me his shoulders. not once did he ever console me. he wanted me 2 solve tat prob n if i did not, sad things wld happen. thou we did make peace after tat but...i'm feelin so afraid n threaten now. acc him till tis mornin 7plus den he send me hm. well duno when will he contact me..juz wana ask him 2 take care n haf a safe journey to and fro.

i'm lousy

2006-09-04T00:58:00.000+08:00

i'm a lousy gf, a lousy fren, a lousy daughter, a lousy person....i'm juz some1 useless. all i juz want is to love n b love...but it seems so far fetched...i just wish i cld close my eyes 4ever.

argh.....

2006-09-02T01:06:00.000+08:00

exams juz ended last week, on the 24th of aug...results will b out on the 15th of sept...most probably i'll fail. duno y but i juz dun haf the confidence of passing. not only in exams but in alot of other things, i also dun haf the confidence in it. thou exams r over, n it shd b sch holis, but i still haf 2 go back to sch everyday for VPP(vocational porject programe). its for final yr students. we haf 2 go back to do our final yr project. really regretted chosing project. i rather choose attachment if i know it'll b soooo difficult n tiring. we haf to go back everyday fr 8-5, mon-fri. since VPP started, i dun haf enuf rest each day not 2 say enjoy myself after exam. everyday after VPP, at nite i still haf 2 do my VPP homework which is programming. basically i feel tat my life is so meaningless now. everything is like a routine. on weekend when i met up wif dear, we quarrel, sometimes even over small n stupid matters.he push the blame on me n i push it onhim....y y y??? wen r we gonna get better??? i'm so stressed up. other den VPP, every week, we need 2 exercise for 2 days 2 train for nafpha. n its compulsory fr 3-5. and we also need 2 go for industrial visit and listen 2 talks. argh.....my life is packed wif all these rubbish. i dun haf my own free time 2 enjoy, 2 slp, 2 play.y cant they award us wif the holis after the exam???we r humans 2. we need 2 enjoy and catch up wif wat we love 2 do.sometimes i wonder, if i did not stray bad durin sec 2 onwards, wld my life b better now? r there any remedies for regrets?my life now totally sux...there's alot of nice movies recently. n alot of them, i wanna watch but time dun allow. its either i'm busy wif sch or he is busy wif work or we r tired n lazy 2 go.juz hate my life now...

my 1st credit card

2006-08-18T00:40:00.000+08:00

i finally received the uob supplementary credit card fr dearie few days ago...dearie subscribed it 4 me abt1 mth plus back but they only send it 2 his hse few days ago..at first i thought uob did not approve cos so long still no news fr them. he surprised me n gaf it 2 me in his car..haha...i had my 1st credit card loh...even when i not yet start workin officially. was shocked wen i saw the credit limit was 1k. nvr expect him 2 b so mad 2 put it so much. how mad can he b??? wat if i really use 1k every mth???he will b broke sooner or later.but anyway i oso wun use the card unless emergency. cos i "bu she de".if not when the bill comes, i'll xin tong 4 dearie.he work n earn so hard for the both of us.i couldn't b nvr work n yet still anyhow use the card rite.i muz save save save for him. but duno y sometimes my dearie siao siao de. he will ask me spend money de. he will ask me use his money go treat myself 2 gd food if not buy clothes. even wen i dun wan buy, he will ownself c n choose for me n ask me go try it on cos he wana buy 4 me. dearie is v vain n he wans me 2 b vain 2 like him.haha...anyway juz wana thanx him alot for the sup card...haha

PJ panel review

2006-08-04T15:16:00.000+08:00

duno y tis few days/weeks/months, very lazy and tired 2 blog. mayb cos of sch work ba. every nite when i'm home i juz feel like sleepin. very lazy 2 online 2. argh....was down wif fever few days ago and it lasted for abt 4 days. everyday my temp wld b ard 38.something deg. my project's panel review is over. ended yesterday. lasted for only abt 15min....tot we presented badly but hopefully we pass. dearie is busy wif work tis few days. having the urge 2 eat mala steamboat....hope he brings me to eat tmr. nowadays, me n dearie seldom meet up wif his frenz le. so normally weekends we will b slacking n watchin movie etc. guess every1 is busy wif own things.....argh...still in sch now...1hr plus more 2 go b4 i can go hm. so tiring n my head is so pain. endure!

our 3 mths

2006-07-16T04:46:00.000+08:00

2day is me n dearie's 3 mths....juz wana wish him a 3 mth anniversary..juz got back hm not long after goin out wif dearie n frenz. went eat steamboat at bugis(cong qin steamboat). wow!!! we ordered "yuan yang". its means 1 potion of the soup is "ma la" and the other potion is normal. its damn damn damn spicy!!!! its not advisable 2 eat there cos the variety of food is very little...after tat we went ktv at cuppage.n in a few hrs time at 745, i'm gonna wake dearie up n we r gonna spend the whole day 2gather. haha...tis is the 1st time we spending it 2gather cos for the past 2 mths on the 16th, he has duty...hehe!!! i'm lookin forward 2 it. last tues, me n dearie went lookin ard for our "promise" ring. a promise tat no matter wat we will not leave each other.we finally bought is tat day. so happy. and we haf been wearin it since then. hopefully we will nvr take it off.feel so fortunate 2 haf dearie by my side.hope everything will turn out well for us.luv him so much. hmmm...wana slp le. shd i take a nap or endure???

this is our promise ring:

world cup

2006-07-10T23:40:00.000+08:00

its been a few weeks since i last blog... haf been very busy and tired these few weeks...partly cos of world cup...haha but it has ended yesterday. italy won!!! and i guess correctly... so next few days are meant 2 catch up wif slp. went lido 2 watch the finals wif dearie n his frenz yesterday. they broadcast it in the cinema. was free cos dearie frenz got the tix. ended ard 4plus am and we headed st hm. dearie fetch me hm b4 goin back ship 2 slp. reach hm ard 5am n slept ard 5.45am.. only slp abt 1 hr b4 i haf 2 get up at 7am for sch. argh...so tiring!!! somemore i haf a prac test at 8am. slept for 45min durin lunch time n abt 1 hr plus durin lecture..haha...juz simply couldn't keep myself awake...hmmmm...these few days me n dearie r getting better. hope we cld go on like tis...well was sick n down wif flu last week. got it fr dearie and now i pass it back 2 him..haha..its a cycle. we supposed 2 get few things these few days but still lookin ard..hopefully tmr can get it. anyway dearie tmr mc. hopefully he can cum sch fetch me.

dearie and me taken on sat at party world orchard:

tired!!!

2006-06-27T22:42:00.000+08:00

nth gd n nice 2 blog abt these few days...my life juz sux now... i'm juz so tired...emotionally n physically...juz wana vanished n get lost in some unknown world...dun think i deserve all these..

our 2 mths

2006-06-16T22:45:00.000+08:00

today, 16-06-06, is me and dearie 2 mths anniversary... juz wana wish dearie a happy 2 mths anniversary!!! hehe... and i'm still loving u soooooo much.

cant b wif him 2day cos he is havin duty...my poor dearie, yesterday sailing den today continue wif duty...haha but i'm gonna c him tmr. he comin 2 fetch me after his work in the mornin. and we r gonna spend the whole day and nite 2gather till sun mornin b4 he goes for his soccer match...cant wait for tmr 2 come....

smile

2006-06-15T03:28:00.000+08:00

meet dearie 2day. after 4 days nvr c him, me finally saw him 2day. miss him so much. so happy 2 c him. he came fetch me after work cos he today half day den we head 2 his hse. we slack at his hm for abt 2 hrs b4 goin tampinese mall watch the movie slither..eeeeeeeeeeeee!!! its a very gross show... do not watch it after a heavy meal. the show is abt 2 hrs. after the show, dearie send me hm, den he rush hm watch soccer. haiz....tmr dearie goin sailin. den on fri he has duty..cant c him for 2 days..fri is our 2mths anniversary. bought him a tshirt n gave it 2 him juz now. but haf 2 bring back 2 the shop 2 change cos its a lil 2 big for him. i'm lookin forward to tis sat..haha cos i'll be spendin the whold day n nite wif dearie till sun morning b4 he goes for his soccer game, he'll send me hm.hope everything goes smoothly...counting down...missin dearie

how much can i miss a person?

2006-06-13T05:47:00.000+08:00

i miss dear... supposed 2 meet him 2day. everything was arranged perfectly but half n hr b4 we our scheduled time, he called 2 say he's lazy 2 come meet me. haa..imagine how i felt upon hearing those words. he cld say he miss me n yet he is lazy 2 meet me. i was lost 4 words after hearing wat he say. tears juz flow fr my eyes. even now while bloggin, i'm cryin at the same time. lost count of how many times i've cried 4 him le. envy my frenz, seeing them happily wif their bf.they haf very lovin bfs. sometimes i wish dear cld treat me better. i wish he wun shout at me when he is angry 2 the extend tat he shout vulgarities. i tried my best 2 b the gf he wants but each time i failed.he nvr appreciate things i did 4 him. took it 4 granted instead. he doesn't know sometimes i'm cryin 4 him, anyway he wun believe tat i cried 4 him la.duno y its juz so difficult in loving him. he is my bf but tis few weeks whenever i wan ask him out, b it go shoppin, watch movie, haf a simple dinner or juz 2 c him, i haf 2 like "book him". its like i haf 2 queue up juz 2 c him. and i oso muz b prepared tat he will cancel it last min like few min b4 we meet up. tis is not the 1st time tat he so call put my aeroplane.

he hurt me alot but he doesn't know. and i dun dare 2 tell him. cos i know i cant tell him, wun haf chance 2 tell him how i feel. cos dear gets irritated easily and gets worked up and angry easily 2.if i tell him how i feel n how he hurt me, it will only make us quarrel. den in the end, i haf 2 keep quiet and hear him say me tis bad tat bad. every day n nite i can only c his pic, cos i cant get 2 c him. haha ppl may think y so funny. y muz c his pic? cos i miss him but i cant get 2 c him so can only c his pic. n whenever i c his pic i'll cry cos there's so much thing in me tat i wana tell him but was nvr given a chance.duno how long more will i haf 2 c his pic b4 i cant get 2 c him in person. somemore tis few weeks he has alot of sailing plus world cup is goin on. the time we spend together is getting lesser n lesser. i miss our 1st 1 mth...really miss our 1st 1 mth...i wish time cld stop at tat time. we were like inseperable..so close till like nth cld break us apart. n the feeling was like if who break us up, both of us cld die. and if we nvr meet for 1 day, we cld die 2.really miss tat feeling. tat lovin feelin fr dear.know it wun b comin back again.juz hope tat we will haf better days ahead.miss dear's "tian yan mi yu" 2...been awhile since he say he luv me, miss me n wana hug me...

in my mind, its all abt dear..but on his mind, i mayb only occupy a small portion. i'm waiting 4 him everyday. it gets real tired sometimes, but i juz endure.cos i luv him 2 much 2 let go. tis few nites, i've been helpin him keep track of scores at nite so tat when i call him up for work in the mornin, he cld haf 1st hand result. no matter wat time he does duty or need 2 wake up for work, i'll call him up. even thou i'm tired or not tired, i'll make sure i call him up at watever time he wans. n i do tis willingly. but dear dun appreciate. yesterday when i call him up, he juz say orh n ask abt the score n hang up the fone le. nvr even ask m i tired..haha but i dun blame him.afterall he is my dear. if i dun call him up, i still can call who up.

there's a sayin: the second you r willing to make yourself miserable to make someone else happy, thats love right there...haiz.. if dear's happy tis way, guess i'll endure everythin even thou i'm miserable and sad. cos i want him 2 b happy, i want him 2 smile, i want the best in everything 4 him. cos dear, i luv u very much..n i miss u very much 2